White Collar Tales

White Collar Tales Bill Drake (billdrake@hotmail.com)

WARNING: The following is for adults only. It contains depiction of sexual acts between men. If this offends you or is inappropriate for you to read, go no further.

Please consider a donation to Nifty Archive to give back and allow their operation to continue.

Another white collar story. Comments or story suggestions to billdrake@hotmail.com. For more of my stories, check out the Authors page of Nifty, or join my Yahoo group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/drakestories/

White Collar Tales #15 Birthday Present Comes Early

It all started with those monthly poker games. Four coworkers holing up in a downtown hotel room, getting drunk and spending half the weekend playing cards and betting too much money. I usually lost a couple hundred, but it was worth it for a chance to experience some good old fashioned guy time and get away from the fiance. I had a feeling that poker weekends were gonna be an endangered species after I got married.

That Saturday we were talking about pussy. The usual, I guess. Only the conversation took an unexpected turn.

"You know, fellas, I got a birthday coming up." It was Ed Macallister, one of the sales guys.

My boss, Greg Reilly cocked his eyebrow, but otherwise kept his poker face intact. "Yeah? You expecting a party from us or something?"

Ed punched Greg in the shoulder playfully. "No, fucker, my wife's gonna be giving the party."

"We invited, Mac?" Jones' blue eyes peered up. The man was in his mid 30s and his chestnut-brown hair thinning fast. Still, with his patrician nose, blond-dusted eyebrows, and Nantucket tan, he looked like a freakin' J Crew model.

"Not that kind of party." Grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

I couldn't resist a wisecrack. "Don't tell me you're only getting laid once a year, Mac."

The men laughed.

"No wiseguy. I'm talking blowjobs. Karen fucking hates giving em. I get blown exactly twice a year. Once at Christmas..."

"The other one for your birthday," Reilly finished his sentence. "Yeah, I've been on that installment plan myself. Only, I've managed to work in Father's Day, too," he laughed. We laughed along.

We quieted down and played our hand. Then, Jeff Jones added out of nowhere. "I get a special birthday present from Ellen."

Ed took the bait. "Something besides head?"

"Something besides head."

"Didn't know you were into the kinky shit, Jones." My boss was dealing another hand, happy at the growing pot at his corner of the table.

"Nothing kinky," Jeff retorted. "Not really. It's just once a year, she'll toss my salad."

"You mean?" The look on Macallister's face was preciseless, like he was smelling rotting cabbage.

"Yep. Rimming. Buttmunching. Holelicking. Analingus. Whatever you want to call it."

"Gross." My boss clearly didn't like the idea much better.

"Don't knock it til you try it, fellas. It's amazing. Makes me shoot off big everytime."

Ed was unconvinced. "Next you're gonna be telling us it's better than pussy."

Jones paused and looked around the table, fixing each of us in the eye. "Yeah, it's better than pussy."

"Fuck that!" Greg shook his head.

"I'm with Jones," I finally spoke up, tossing down my bet. "Had a girlfriend in college who'd do that shit. Felt fan-fucking-tastic." The men weren't expecting that. I had the reputation as the do-gooder, button-down guy in the bunch.

"See, fellas. Connelly knows where it's at." Then looking at me he asked, "Your fiance treat you from time to time, Matt?"

I shook my head no. "Asked her once and it kinda freaked her out. Learned my lesson, man."

Greg folded his cards. "Yeah, I can't imagine asking Wendy to eat my ass out!"

"Me neither. I'm not crazy."

"Thought the idea turned you off, Mac?" I teased.

"Well, you and Jeffy here are making out like it's the best thing since sliced bread. 'Better than pussy'.... Shit!"

"Maybe it's not everyone's thing," I conceded. "But you know... there are times I still beat off thinking about that college girlfriend."

That quieted the bunch. They may not all be turned on by having their buttholes licked, but if there's anything universal in a man's experience it's the Great Lay That Got Away. That wild girl you date and know it's not gonna be serious. That one who gives you the best sex you've ever had and ever will have. Each of us got lost in our trips down memory lane, til the conversation turned to sports.

I hadn't given that day or its conversation too much thought til a few weeks later I was enjoying happy hour. A few pints, some harmless flirting with the twentysomething office girls, maybe a game of pool.

Jenny Corbin was flirtily leaning against the bar rail, dropping innuendoes left and right, and I was flirting right back at her. Til a host of twentysomething guys walked into the place and she had to go "freshen her drink."

A sympathetic hand slapped my shoulder. Reg Jones. "That's how the cookie crumbles, buddy. They'll flirt with us married guys til the available ones come along."

"I'm not married. I'm engaged," I grumbled.

"Same thing. You're taken buddy. You're just a tall piece of meat for those chicks to practice their routine with."

I looked across the bar and saw Jenny batting her eyelashes at one of the new, younger single men. Reg was right.

"Look, Matt, I wanted to catch you alone at some point. Make sure I didn't freak you out the other week at our poker game."

"Freak me out?" I didn't know what he was referring to.

"Yeah. Talking about assrimmming." I had to say I still got a kick hearing this well-mannered blue-blooder talk about sex so forthrightly.

I laughed and shrugged. "Didn't bother me. Can't speak for the other guys, though."

He nodded. "Yeah, guess Reilly and Macallister were the ones a little freaked out."

"Ah, they just don't know what they're missing."

Reg looked at me, smiled and clinked my beer with his. "Damn straight."

He pulled a long sip then asked. "So... how long has it been since your wild college girlfriend."

"Man... I don't know. Ten years I guess."

"How long has it been since your last rimjob?"

"Ten years." I didn't have to stop to do the math. "Yeah, and I know you got one for your birthday, so don't rub it in."

"My birthday's in June, but I got my ass eaten out just this last week," he said with a cagey expression.

"Yeah? You convince Ellen somehow?"

"Nah," he answered. "You gotta promise me you're not going to freak out when I tell you, Connelly." I was a little nervous where the conversation was heading. Guys can talk about chasing pussy all they wanted, but stepping out on the wife was something else. I knew and liked Ellen. I'd met Reg's kids. I didn't want to see a blossoming divorce.

Still, I was curious. "Promise."

"It was a guy."

"Fuck, man, you're joking!" I blurted out. I felt taken, like I'd been reeled into the punchline of one of Reg's jokes.

Only he wasn't laughing. "I'm serious, bud. I didn't plan it or go out looking, but I found out that there are guys who fucking love eating ass. You don't have to do anything in return, just drop trou and bend over and they go to work. Fuck, I think they get off on it."

"So, what, did you hang around Boystown with a sign?" My voice was a mix of hostility and incredulity.

If Reg noticed the barb, he ignored it. "Nah, that's the craziest thing. It's my doctor. General fucking practitioner."

"Shit!" I exclaimed. I was starting to believe Reg. The story was too crazy to be one of his jokes.

"Yeah, right? I don't even remember how it all started but I was stomach on the examining table and suddenly I feel the most amazing tonguework on my pucker. I came twice that visit." He was still smiling at the memory.

"Wow." I wasn't sure how to react. Part of me was turned on, part of me was a little freaked out. Reg was basically confessing to gay sex, however he justified it.

"Anyway, if you want, I can give you his name, even drop in a special referral with the doc, if you know what I mean."

"'s all right, Reg." Polite, but still a little indignant. The man could get his jollies how he liked but I wasn't gonna let a guy lick my hole.

Only I thought about it. A lot. I lay back in bed and ran a spit-slicked finger around the rim of my hole. I thought about my college girlfriend and the fountain-spray cums I'd jizz while she licked me out. I pictured Jenny Corbin's pert face buried in my crack. I tracked down seemingly every online porn site devoted to salad-tossing. I looked for the ones of big-breasted, pouty-lipped porn starlets submissively eating out a man's craphole, but came across some man-on-man pix too. They were a bit of a turn off, but not as repulsive as I'd expected them to be. I stared at the sight, wondering what it was like. Did it feel different when a guy did it to you? It's not as if you have to see him do it, I surmised.

I think I surprised Reg when a few days later I stopped by his office. He was talking with Reilly and another coworker. "Say, Reg, I thought I'd take your advice and switch doctors. Mine's not doing it for me." I thought I'd be cheeky and add the double entendre. "You still recommend yours?"

Jones blushed a little but nodded. "Yeah, he's great. I'll send you the info, Connelly."

The receptionist told me Dr. Felder wasn't taking new patients then, but I mentioned Reg's referral and she told me she would check with the doctor and get back to me. That afternoon, she called back and confirmed an appointment for the next day.

I was nervous walking into that office. Partly because I was even contemplating letting a man lick my hole. Partly because I still was expecting someone, I don't know, a little feminine, maybe a slight older man. Dr. Daniel Felder, though, looked like a goddamn pharmaceutical-ad doctor: trim medium build, tall, dark brown hair, graying temples, green-grey eyes, tan but young face with slight dimples and square jaw, friendly but all-business. His voice was deep, his handshake firm. "Mr. Connelly? Dr. Felder."

"Thanks for fitting me in," I answered. Fuck, there was no way this guy was a fairy. This had to be one of Reg's practical jokes. He was even wearing a shiny silver wedding band. I couldn't help but notice how big his hands were... thick fingers covered in small dark hairs.

"Well, Reg Jones is one of my best patients," the doctor said with a twinkle in his eyes. "He gave me a call and told me I should see you if I could fit you in." He wasn't letting go of my hand til a good two extra seconds had passed. Those eyes seemed to bore into me, questioning me.

Was he coming on to me? How would I know? This whole thing was weird. "Glad you could, doctor." I nervously my seat down on the paper-covered examination table and fidgeted with my tie.

He flipped open my file and started perusing the record. "Your medical history is pretty enviable, Mr. Connelly. Have you had any problems lately?"

"No, just thought I needed my annual checkup."

The doctor nodded and paused a second to look into my eyes. I felt my heart skip a beat. Hell, I felt HIS heart skip a beat. Yeah, this guy's into me, all right, I thought with a shudder. I guess in my mind, we'd go straight from preliminaries to the sex, but now that I was there, now that the doctor wasn't making any moves, I didn't think I could do it. There was no way I could take the initiative in this.

The doctor for his part started a routine checkup, taking my blood pressure and listening my heart beat. As he leaned in closer to me I could smell his cologne and feel his presence. I had to admit I was getting a little turned on. I kept thinking how this guy was the very kind of man women would be knocking each over to try to catch. If I had to do it with a guy, I couldn't do better, I surmised.

He assured me all was fine, but maybe we should be safe and do a follow up next month for some blood work. Finally, point blank he asked, "Ever had a prostate exam, Mr. Connelly?"

Fuck! I didn't know what to say. "No. I'm a little young for prostate cancer, I thought."

He nodded but didn't change his intense facial expression. "You are. Still, I thought it wouldn't hurt to check you out. Whaddya say?"

I could detect the hint of a smile as I stood up and began unbuckling my belt and pushing my suitpants and underwear down to my knees. I bent forward, placing my elbows on the padded table. "This good?" I asked the doctor.

"Perfect," he answered, crouching down. I didn't notice him pull out any latex gloves or lubricant.

My heart was pounding like crazy. What the fuck was I doing? I was about to hike my trousers back up and high tail it out of there.

Then I felt it. First the flutter of his heavy breath against my backside, a warm breeze against my buried pucker. It felt good, soothing. But not as good as the contact of his flesh against mine, his face pressing forward against the brawn of my buttcheeks. Then his wet kisses, seeking deeper into my crack. Fuck, he was doing it all right!

"Oh!" I moaned involuntarily, then bit my finger. My fiance always joked about how much I moaned during sex, but I wasn't sure a doctor's office was the best place to let loose. Besides I didn't want the doc to know much I was enjoying what he was doing to me: the tickle of his tonguetip against my pucker folds, the lapping at my asshairs, the circular motion and soft sucking. I don't know where he learned his technique, but it put my wild college girlfriend to shame. I was boned hard and dripping all over the paper, all over my shirttails.

Then he started. Gentle prods of his tongue pushing against my bunghole, becoming ever more insistent, coaxing me open, battering my resistance down like a wide drill bit. I hadn't gotten an up-close look at Felder's tongue, but now it felt like the widest fattest tongue in the world. That he was shoving that fat organ into my tight hole made for an incredible experience.

Finally, the oral muscle wedged in and I felt an insane length snake inside and start going to town. Drilling, licking, exploring. "Fuck!" I cried quietly and gripped the table. Without my ability to control it, my prick seized and fired thick, hot jets of semen all over the examination table.

It was incredible orgasm. As Jones would say, better than pussy. As I came to, I felt the doc's face still buried deep in my butt, munching away. I could tell he was flogging away and entering his own ejaculatory phase. Fuck, this guy really got off on eating butt!

I was a little embarrassed when it was all over, but Felder was cool as a cucumber, stuffing his junk back in and smoothing down his shirt, wiping off his face with a wetnap.

"Well, Mr. Connelly, everything seems in working order. If you need a follow up just call us. I'll tell Linda to fit you in whenever you need to drop by."

I wasn't sure I was up for a repeat visit. Hell, I'd just made it with another guy! It was strictly one-way, to be sure, but fuck! Asslicking! I felt a little ashamed. I was hoping Jones could keep a secret.

Nervously I thanked the doctor and let his office confused, but satisfied.

Later that week Reg Jones popped his head into my office.

"So... Connelly... how was it?" He shut the door behind him and plopped himself in one of the office chairs.

Someone needs to write about the stages of sexual desire. Cause by now the guilt had given away to other phases: reliving the experience in my mind, then wanting it again.

I smiled, leaning back in my seat contentedly. "In-fucking-credible, Jones."

That made Reg smile back and nod. "Better than a chick, right?"

"You're not kidding. That guy's pretty intense. I can't believe he doing that shit, but...."

"But it got you off?"

"Big time!"

Reg paused then got past his hesitation. "He do the deep-drill on ya?"

I nodded. "I didn't know they made tongues that long."

"That's some maneuver. Sometimes, though, I like it when he just does his around-the-world trick."

"Round the world?"

"Just circling your hole over and over, faster and faster until you nut."

"Oh man."

"Yeah."

"How often you go?" Already I was planning for a follow up visit. This conversation was making me want one right now.

"Every three weeks. Can't justify it more often. You're going back aren't you Connelly?"

"What do you think?"

So I become one of Felder's regulars. I don't think I realized just how regularly I was getting my nuts drained til the doc went on vacation. "I'm sorry," his secretary informed me, "the doctor won't have any available times until November."

I was feeling strung up high and dry. Sure there was sex with the fiance. But between our work schedules we mostly saw each other on the weekends. And it lacked that pure, sexual intensity I'd come to love from Dr. Felder's asseating sessions. Even the five-minute quickies left me satisfied, like I'd just spent the day in a sex marathon. The times I was lucky enough to score a twenty-minute appointment were heaven.

As luck would have it I even had to cancel my November appointment on account of business travel. A sales call to Dallas. Jones was on that trip, too, and after our salesperson Gina called in early for the evening, it was just Reg and me alone at the hotel bar.

"So," he asked me in the middle of a conversation lull. "When was your last session with Felder?"

"Dunno, two, maybe three months. Fuck, Jones, I'm about going insane." My third whiskey was down to the dregs, and his was too.

"You and me both, buddy." He looked down at his drink. "Ready to call it a night, Connelly?"

"Sure thing."

We were walking down the hotel hallway to our rooms when Reg stopped me with a gentle tug of the arm. "Listen, Matt..." his speech was a little loose from the alcohol. "Tell me if I'm out of line here, but..."

Christ, he was not gonna, was he? Jones was a pretty straight arrow, and I couldn't believe he would suggest was he was about to suggest.

"... well, you're hard up and I'm hard up, and I was thinking, you know, maybe we could help each other out."

"I dunno, Reg. I mean, what we both like.... I don't know if I could do it."

"Lick another guy's ass? Eat him out?" He was buzzed all right. Like I said it was odd to hear this blueblood talk like a port sailor.

"Yeah that."

"It freaks me out too, buddy. But maybe if we take turns we can do it. Or at least watch some hotel porn...."

I couldn't muster the courage to say yes, but as Jones turned to open his room door, I followed in.

Slowly, quietly, we removed our suits, our shirt, our underwear. It was a little weird undressing for another guy, especially a coworker like Reg, but at least he wasn't a slouch. Apparently the same thoughts were in his head. "You keep in pretty good shape, Connelly."

I patted my six pack and smirked. "Read 'em and weep Connelly." He was a healthy, well-built man, but marriage has put some padding on his middle. We both chuckled, then got serious. "So," I cut in. "How we do this?"

Reg shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know Matt. I hadn't planned this far."

We were both soft and standing there awkwardly facing one another.

An idea occurred to me. "I got it." Plopping down on the bed, I motioned to Reg. "You face the other direction." He got down and we were in a 69 position. I looked past his cut cock and hairy nutsac. Grabbing his legs I spread the thighs apart til the perineum then the blond hairy crack were in view. Jones had a thick hairy trench, all right.

I felt my coworker do the same to me. He was leaning in, I could tell, cause his breath was on my hole. It reminded me of my first time with Felder. I know my cock was starting to respond now.

"All right, why don't we take turns telling the other what we liked about Felder eating us out." I looked forward in hestitation. A grown man's ass. It was now or never. "OK?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure."

"You start."

"Well, I love how Dan makes love to my hole. Kisses it like he's kissing a woman on the lips, only it's my hole that he's kissing. Wet smooches at first, then starts slipping his tongue out to make contact. Not too much at first, but then more as he gets confident that I want it."

As Reg is talking I start. Doing what he's describing. What the doctor did. Making love to his exposed hairy pucker. I kiss it gently, repeatedly, and feel the anus quiver at the touch of my lips. Fuck, this is intense. I give more, fervent heavy kisses. Then tongue. This is the first time I'm licking a man's hole, and all I'm feeling is one heavy rush. Reg is urging me on, telling me what Doc did, telling me to do it, too. I am.

Finally, I pull back and wipe the spit and muskiness from my mouth.

"How was that buddy?" I ask.

"Don't get offended Connelly, but you're as good as our doctor friend."

"Glad to hear," I answer, genuinely satisfied at a job well done. "OK, my turn."

I feel Reg position his face back between my spread thighs, right at my spread crack.

"I love it when Felder parts my cheeks wide then spits right on my hole, repeatedly. Then dives in and starts tonguing the saliva straight into me.

I sense Reg's hesitation. But then he does it. Just like I describe. I wonder if Doc did that with him, too. Probably did. Cause Reg is now aping the doctor's technique flawless, rough, hot spit projectiles on my winking rosebud, followed by quick jackhammer tongue thrusts against my shitter. My prick was bonehard now.

My coworker pulls back and adds, "I also love it when Dan licks me in random intervals, keeping me guessing when the next lick is gonna be." I start doing as instructed and Reg goes back to eating me out, now with a deep, regular licking motion.

We were in a regular rim 69 now, ass-munching at both ends and loving it. The wet tongue sensations felt amazing on my ass, but I was also grooving on the feel of my cock rubbing against Reg's hairy chest. It started with a drip, then an ooze, and soon my ejaculation was painting my Reg's toroso. Jones was cumming too, spurting his sauce on me while his butt cheeks clenched against my face and his hole dilated wildly around my tongue. If I didn't think I liked licking hole, that sensation alone was enough to make an addict.

Reg, too, apparently. As we disentangled and lay side by side on that hotel bed, my WASPy coworker sighed. "Fuck, man, what do we need Felder for?"

I started laughing. "I don't know buddy."

Then, like a kid with a new toy, I looked down at Reg's cum-streaked body. Making my way down the bed, I crouched between his legs and lifted his thighs. Pale white skin on his legs disappeared by the blonde thicket of his crack. Just a telltale opening where his manhole was. I dove in. And licked like crazy.

"Ah, eat me, man," Jones's deep mellifluous voice cried out.

That and the firm hand pushing against the top of my head told me I was on the right track to a new friendship.