I wondered that wherever I went after that first time. He was a stranger which should have frightened me, but for some reason I let him open my fly and suck my penis..and then moved to my knees and sucked him too. He stripped and helped me do the same until our naked bodies were squirming all over each other. The basement was hot..the nearby boiler kept it that way. I had spent many weekends helping clean out the place over the years and once again volunteered to do it that weekend. But that time there wasn't anyone to help me except him. We didn't talk we sucked and fucked like we had been doing it with each other for years. I wasn't sure about him, but it was my first time...my very first time. I had thought about it, dreamed it, imagined it, masturbated begging some unseen man to join me..but that was the first time. When he shoved his cock into my ass, it hurt. I knew it would. I had read about it in books and magazines I saw in the adult sex store. So I did what I read I should do and tried to relax and sure enough the pain was replaced by other sensations..all of which I enjoyed. I fucked him too....again doing what I had read about and even seen after putting many quarters into the machines in the booths I visited when out of town. He seemed to enjoy it as much as I did. And our bodies seemed to want more....as we filled each others throats and guts with our sperm. I knelt to feel him shower me and responded in kind not worrying about the odor that would fill the basement. We remained naked as we put the garden hose to work cleaning where we had played and washing each other. And we looked aorund for somethign to dry off with..he used his tee shirt on me and himself. We dressed and left each other and the basement.
So for days, and weeks as I went about my classes, homework, chores at home, shopping and hanging out with friends..who knew? Could anyone look at me now and know I was queer?
Before it was just in the privacy of my head..and my hand. But now I really was one...I had felt a dick in my butt and throat. I had felt a mouth and butt on my own cock. I had let myself explore a little kink too. Feeling like trash, I wondered if they knew...anyone?
Did the janitor go down to the basement and find some telltale sign that we had been naked, sweaty and obsessed by our sex that weekend? I was the only one who was supposed to be there..so if there was a clue, they would know it was me.
Did we wash away the residual stains and smells with that garden hose?
"good job last weekend , thanks" our preacher had said to me shaking my hand "I want you to meet my nephew when he comes to town next month".
Did the preacher know? Was his nephew gay and he was being a matchmaker? I knew he was liberal but was he that liberal?
My parents didn't say anything either. But they always seemed to know private stuff about me when I grew up. The look in my face, the way I walked, my words and attitude. Maybe they now knew too and were just waiting for me to admit it.
My best buddy, Clint had explored the world of masturbation with me when we were only thirteen. Consequently he knew more about me then anyone..until that weekend that is. But maybe he too sensed that I had been a pig with another man..an animal...an indiscriminate heathon seeking sensual pleasure only.
Hell I don't even know who he was. And I dare not ask anyone for fear they would indeed discover what we had done.
It took weeks, months..maybe a year before I relaxed. Nobody ever said anything to me about it. No hints, sly remarks or even boldface questions.
But there were looks, smiles, expressions, nods and seemingly too friendly handshakes that made me suspect they might know about me..and what I did.
I did it again..but not in my own town. I spent weekends in nearby cities going to sport events, concerts, museums..any excuse I could us. And I'd find places where "they"...."we" gathered. And discarding clothing and my identity engaged in basic hungry uninhibited sexual pleasure.
But they might have suspected even that when I was back home. Nothing changed though. College seemed the same, my friends seemed the same, parents too seemed unchanged..they all pretended that nothing had changed.
But I knew better.
And I think they knew.