I have a very unpleasant feeling in the pit of my stomach. It could be that I had a massive fucking penis slamming me into an entirely new dimension but no, that's not it. It's the feeling a person gets when they're brain is now second in command to their heart. You know the feeling I'm talking about. You spend all your time thinking your life is just fucking dandy and then some random douchebag comes along and shakes the entire foundation. I didn't ask for this, I don't think I pursued it either? It just happened.
I've known TJ for years and he is legit everything I hate about men in this current culture. He does so, so, so little and is just drowning in praise everywhere he turns. Every time that I look at his instagram he has a bunch of fuckboys fawning over him. every time I see him in person there's at least one person that blushes in his sight, he's the most lackadaisical golden boy ever. Do I sound jealous? Oh well. People get jealous, it happens.
There's a gross mixture of anger and jealousy whenever I think of him but then he'll smile at me, or greet me or just brush my hair as he walks by me and all I can think of is what I'll wear on our wedding day. I always try to contain myself but sometimes a slight crack of a smile will appear on my face, sometimes I'll blush, and sometimes I'll even greet him in return. I don't know how he's done it.
That's the sad truth of my situation. I like that bastard. Now what do I do about it? There's about 6 months left of us being in school until we graduate and who knows what'll happen after that. Do I approach him? Do I finally stop acting like an actual demon and just be nice to someone for once? Well, absolutely fucking not to both of those questions. I don't want to be mature. So how do I get his attention without doing anything to seem like I want his attention... that is my problem.
"Oh fuck."
It hit me, I just remembered that after TJ fucked my brains out we exchanged snapchat names. I adjusted my story settings so he'd be the only one able to view it and then I posted a picture of my ass (in underwear cause I'm classy) and waited. I checked my phone every few minutes secretly hoping he hadn't viewed it yet cause that would mean he saw it but didn't respond. And if that happens I'm dropping out and moving across the country.
ding
I actually leaped at my phone and screamed when I saw TJ's name across my screen. Who's that picture for? Now, here's the tricky part. Do I immediately reply to this or should I wait a little? And when I do reply is it going to be sarcastic and bitchy or should I be decent for once? What can I say to him to segue this into some sort of actual conversation? I need to hurry up and do something because the more I think about it the more confused I become. Yes, dating culture is this fucking stupid and ridiculous and stressful. It's almost as if men are born for games and nothing else.
It's for no one in particular. Well, I liked it. How much did you like it? I can come show you rather than tell you. Oh? When can you come show me? I just got off the elevator, open your door. Yes sir.
"I need you."
He pushed the door open and stood there with a box of pizza and it sent my heart all fluttering and shit. I got up to take the pizza, still in nothing but my tight boxer shorts, pushed him back out and closed the door in his face. I wanted to work my way up to being sweet to TJ, you know like a surprise.
"You forgot to lock the door."
We plopped down on my bed, shoulder to shoulder eating pizza. I felt so awkward. I didn't know what to say. All I could do was look at him and hoped he enjoyed my company as much as I was enjoying his.
"So how's your day?" I asked, trying to break the silence of the room. "Whatever, was just studying." "What for?" "Nothing in particular, I just like to give myself refreshers every now and then." "Oh. I've just been in my room all day." "So what took you so long to invite me over, Levi?" "I didn't know you needed to be invited." "Well, I'll be over here a lot more." "Good, I like when you're around." "Are you okay?" "Yes, why do you ask?" "You're being nice."
Damn. I ran through that entire conversation and I sounded completely normal for once. I just... maybe I should stop pretending I hated him so much. What good is this pretense going to bring me?
"I don't want to be mean to you anymore, TJ." "Why this change of heart?" "You're not a worthy opponent," I still had it! "Oh fuck you." "Do it." "What?" "Fuck me."
I tossed the pizza box on the floor and flipped on to my stomach and waited for him to yank my shorts off and fuck me just how he did a few days ago. I was in that position for an agonizing amount of time and the longer it went without him touching me the more in my head I got. Maybe I was being too forward? Fuck, he had only been over for a few minutes, we didn't even finish the damn pizza.
He flipped me over on my back, grabbed my hands and all of a sudden we were face to face. I tensed up as he dropped his entire warm body on me. I couldn't figure out what was going on and it scared me a great deal. We locked lips and all my anxieties drifted away. His lips were softer than velvet and his heavy tongue easily overpowered mine. I ran my hands through his thick blond mane and wrapped my legs around his waist, I didn't want this to end. He lifted me up and like a good boy I settled on his lap, our lips yet to part. He slid his finger into my mouth and instinctively I slobbered all over it. I don't know what hell had came over me but I was game for anything.
"That was our first kiss." "Was it good?" I whispered. "It was amazing." "What should we do now?" "What do you want to do?" "Anything that'll make you stay here." "Get on your stomach and drop the underwear."
I happily obliged, still unsure of where he was taking me. Then I felt his warm tongue glide across my ass cheeks and I melted into my sheets. He poked at my hole, flicked and slapped his tongue right on it, he ran his tongue from my hole to right where my cheeks form into my back. His strong hands caressing, squeezing and tugging on my ass while his tongue slicked all over, my hole was pulsing, aching for him to dive inside of me. He finally came to my rescue. As his tongue slowly pushed into me I felt my entire body tense up. This was actually the first time a guy ever ate my ass and I couldn't quite handle it.
Whimpers, moans, and groans fell from my lips as TJ's mighty tongue was probing my hole. It's as if he had been waiting his entire life for this moment, I know I was. I didn't even know his tongue was so long. He'd pull it out and then immediately jam it back in and every time he did that I could feel my balls churning. As he quickened his pace beads of sweat started to form, everything went blurry and I forgot who I was.
"Oh... TJ," I cooed into my sheets. He grabbed my hips, pulling my ass into the air and somehow his tongue went even deeper than before. I felt my soul leaving my body as he tongue fucked my tight hole like there was no tomorrow. I wanted to somehow be able to give him some sort of challenge as challenging TJ has pretty much been what I've done best but fuck, he was winning. I bet he had a smile plastered over his ugly damn face knowing that he had me moaning like this, it was guttural, it was loud, then it was soft and tender and the only things that existed in the world were us two.
As his tongue slipped away from my ass and I made a gradual return back to reality all I could do was stare at the oath. Ashamed that I've spent so many years hating and despising someone who literally never did anything wrong to me. And now here he is, right in front of me at my most vulnerable and there's nothing but tenderness to him. I didn't quite know what to do, most of the time I don't even know the name of the guy I'm fucking. He grabbed my hand and rubbed it while staring back at me, it felt right.
"I'm sorry," I said with a shift of the eye. "For what?" "I'm not good at this." "I think you are." "Would... okay... so say I didn't want to have sex... would you be upset with me?" "We'll only do things you want to do, Levi." "Can we cuddle?" "Sure."
I nuzzled my head on his heavy chest, a perfect view of his perfect abs. I wanted to lick at his happy trail but I was already way too comfortable to move, so all I'll do for now is admire the chiseled beauty in front of me. Every now and then he'd drop a kiss on my forehead to let me know he was still there.
"How long until you rip my head off?" He asked. "That's not gonna happen." "What prompted this change of heart then?"
Should I be honest now? I genuinely don't know what I'll even get out of this if I acted like my usual jackass self. "There was never a change of heart," I said. Interlocking our fingers, I threw my leg across his lap and reached for his neck with my free hand. A sick feeling of superiority roared into me as I gripped tighter, I can't let him think we'll just be doing this cute shit all the time.
He broke his hand free from my grip and I found myself smooshed into the corner of the wall struggling to breathe. I pushed my feet into his chest hoping I could get him off me but it was useless, he'd always overpower me. I clawed at his face and tugged at his hair but it was all pointless, he chuckled with glee each time I swiped at him.
"I own you," he said before planting another kiss on my forehead.