Author's note: This is my first attempt so please be gentle with me. The story is part fact and part fiction. There's not a lot of gratuitous sex in it because it's a love story. I'll suggest the sex and let your imagination do the rest. I would love to get comments, both pro and con. Replies can be sent to: webworm@nex.net
Dedication: To the loving memory of my Marcus Aaron, sweet little sixteen. I still miss you sweetie even after 4 hard years. There's a hole in my heart that will never be replaced but the fond memories of our time in the sun and the love we showered each other with warm me continually. I love you, MAC. Peace and love to your Mom and Aunt Wilma.
This story is protected by copyright. And if you don't know what that means go see your Lawyer `cause if you break the laws my Lawyer will be wanting to meet with yours.
SPECIAL NOTE: ONE OF THE TELEVISION MAGAZINE SHOWS TONIGHT SHOWCASED A GUY WHO IS 19 YEARS OLD RIGHT NOW BUT DURING HIS SENIOR YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL HE ATTEMPTED SUICIDE BECAUSE HE WAS GAY. HIS MOTHER FOUND OUT THAT HE WAS GAY WHILE GOING THROUGH HIS COMPUTER. SHE TOLD THE HOSPITAL THAT SHE SUSPECTED THIS WAS THE REASON HE HAD ATTEMPTED TO KILL HIMSELF. WELL, ONE OF THE GUYS HIGH SCHOOL BUDDIES MOM WORKED IN THE UNIT AND HAD ACCESS TO THE INFORMATION AND TOLD THE GUYS BEST FRIEND AND WHEN HE WENT BACK TO SCHOOL IT WAS ALL OVER ABOUT HIM BEING GAY. IT WAS EERIE WATCHING THIS AND THINKING OF ALL THE STORIES I HAVE READ ON HERE THAT PARALLEL HIS STORY. HIS FIRST NAME WAS GREG OR CRAIG, DON'T REMEMBER BUT HE HAS A WEBSITE. DID ANYONE ELSE SEE THIS AND IF SO, WHAT IS HIS WEBPAGE. I WOULD LIKE TO SEND HIM A WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT AND SUPPORT.
Why Me? Chapter 4
The car pulled away from the Dean House. Chad and Richard both smiling, happy that they had patched things up. "Chad, I've really missed having you around. Somehow it felt like there was a hole, a void in me when you aren't around." Richard said.
"So you want me to fill your hole?" grinned Chad.
"Dammit, Chad, I'm trying to be serious." Richard snapped. Usually Chad's witticism's were welcome but not on this day.
"I'm sorry Buddy. I was just jokin' with ya'. I know what you mean. You don't hang with someone as much as we do and not miss them when you're apart." Chad replied.
"You know the promise that we made to each other in the house, Biddy?" Chad asked as they pulled in the drive through at Shakeys.
"I'll have a Cherry Vanilla Doctor Pepper Chad. Yeah, I remember the promise." Richard said.
The speaker belched out "Welcome to Shakeys. How may I help you."
"Two Cherry Vanilla Dr. Peppers, please." Chad replied into the speaker.
The box belched back "That will be $2.88. Please drive to the first window please."
"Well, my Mom and Dad have been having some problems and they are going to counseling." Chad said as he pushed $3.00 into the window clerk's hand, got their order and drove off.
"One of the things that they were taught in the classes is that `Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are. Would you agree with that?" Chad asked.
"Never thought of it but it does make sense. Feelings are neither right nor wrong. They just are. Hell, yes, I'd have to say that that is right on." Richard stated.
"They drove for a few minutes in silence and Chad pulled onto a dirt road. "My old man will kill me if I bring this car back with dust on it so remind me to run it through the car wash before I drop you off." Chad said.
"Where in the Hell are we going anyway. You gonna take me out back and slit my throat and leave me dead on the side of the field." Richard joked.
"Oh, this is just some place that I think is special. It's where I come when I just want to think things through. There used to be a house back here but it burned down." Chad said.
They drove for maybe a quarter of a mile through a dense forest and then the road started to widen out. There was a beautiful meadow overflowing with wildflowers. Birds and butterflies were skimming the tops of the pink, purple, blue and yellow flowers. Toward the back of the meadow you could see an old stone well and the remains of a foundation where the house had once stood.
"Let's park here and just walk to the back. I don't want to disturb the beauty of this place." Chad said.
Richard replied "Damn good idea, Tomzak." And they opened the doors and walked out into the middle of the meadow. The birds and butterflies flitting around in an effort to get out of their way. They walked in silence drinking in the natural beauty of this pristine flower garden. When they got to the center Chad sat and grabbed Richards hand and pulled him down beside him.
"You `member what we were talking about earlier, feelings, right?" Chad asked.
"Sure I do and if you remember I agreed with it 100%." Richard answered.
"Richard, please remember that because what I have to say depends on the fact that you feel the same way. Otherwise I would not bring it up."
The seriousness of the constant comedienne that was Richards best friend had him a little confused. He had never seem this side of Chad before. Conflicting thoughts and emotions raced through his head.
"Chad, we are best friends. Have been best friends for all our lives. I start a sentence and you can usually finish it. What's on your mind, Buddy?" Richard replied.
"I don't really know how to say this so please bear with me." and not waiting for a reply he went on " Richard, I have been so screwed up in the head the last year or so. I have put on a front to hide it, I know, and that has been difficult to do. I think you are the only person on this planet I can discuss this with without some form of retribution or reprisal." Chad said
Richard could see his Buddies hands trembling and reached over to hold it. Nothing could be this difficult, he thought. "Chad, trust me, please. Say what you need to say and quit beating around the bushes. I was there for you yesterday, I am here today and I promise you I will be there tomorrow, regardless." Richard said.
"Okay then. Richard promise me that you won't hate me. God why is this so difficult. If you do then there won't be much reason for me to go on." Chad said.
"Shit" Richard though to himself. He knew exactly where this conversation was going and he jerked his hand from Chads. "Don't tell me, Chad. Please I know what it is you're gonna say and I am not up to dealing with it." Richard said and he began to cry.
"I'm sorry. I thought that you felt the same way Richard." Chad cried and tears ran down his cheeks.
Richard laid on his side and Chad cradled himself behind him rubbing his back repeating "I'm sorry Buddy." over and over.
"Richard rolled over and, with a faint smile creasing his lips, faced Chad and said "Chad, do you feel as strongly about me as I do you?"
This shocked Chad and a big grin spread from ear to ear and said "Fucking "A" man".
"If that's the case then we have to take this slow. I don't know if I'm g.., uh, that way and I sense that you may have some doubts also. We cannot get in this over our heads. That would be devastating if either of us came to the realization that this lifestyle was not healthy for either one of us." Richard said.
"Damn, I knew I had you for a best friend for something other than just playing video games and riding bikes. You'de de smart one, boss." Chad said.
"Richard, how are we going to handle this?" Chad asked.
"Well, we have always been inseparable so we have to remain that way. We can't be making goo goo eyes with each other. We will have to refrain from improper contact except when we are in some very private place." And with that Chad leaned in and gently touched his lips to Richards. Chad whispered "Is this private enough for you?". And Richard ran his hands through Chad's soft blond hair resting his hand on the nape of his neck and drew him in closer saying "Yes, this is private enough." and placed his lips on Chads. They lay side by side only visible to the bluebirds, robins, butterflies and bees while exploring that look that can only be found in lovers eyes. "Richard, I love you." Chad said. "I love you more." Richard replied. "Chad, I have a confession to make to you. I have felt this way about you for some time. Not being able to express it to you for fear that you might hate me has been sheer Hell. Why is it so hard for two guys to express their love to each other and so acceptable for a guy and a girl to do the same thing?" Richard said.
" I don't know the answer to that question. All I know is that I am so happy that the barrier is finally down for us to explore the possibilities for these two guys to find out if they really, really do love each other in a forever frame of mind." Chad replied. As he spoke he stroked the side of Richards face with the tips of his fingers. Richard took his hand and guided one of his fingers into his mouth and an evil grin spread across his face.
"Hmmmm, don't give me any ideas, lover boy mine." Chad said as he moved forward and pressed his lips to Richards. His tongue forcing it's way in Richards mouth, into virgin territory. And a sparkle came to their eyes. Chad reached around and pulled Richard closer to his body. Richard worked his hand between them and began to unbutton Chads shirt and slid it off his chest. He lowered his head and gently, ever so gently kissed Chads nipples. And Chad purred like a kitten. "Jeez, Richard. That is so, so....Ahhhh" unable to finish his sentence.
"We better slow down and take it easy or we may end up doing something we will regret later." Richard said.
"Yeah, you're right" Chad responded getting up out of the flowers and then pulling Richard along with him. They walked slowly around this beautiful spot hand in hand. They walked over to the old house and kicked through the charred remains. As they came up to the well they drew together and kissed.
"Chad?"
"Yes Richard?"
"Do you have any coins?"
"Think so, let's see. Yep, a dime and 2 pennies. That okay?"
"Let me see one of the pennies please."
"Okay"
And with that Richard tossed down the well - "Wish I may - wish I might - have this wish I wish tonight" he said.
"What did you wish for? Chad asked.
"I asked that I be as happy forever as I am right now."
"Oh, that's so sweet." And Chad leaned over and kissed him on the forehead.
They got back in Chad's car and drove back to town holding hands all the way. When they got to the Texaco station Chad put a dollars worth of gas in the automatic pump and a car wash coupon. They pulled inside the car wash and as soon as the water spray started Chad reached over and kissed Richard again.
"Chad, please don't." Richard asked.
"Why, Richard. No one can see us." Chad answered.
"I don't know. I'm just feeling funny. I'm not sure if what we are doing is the right thing or not. I promise you that I'm not going to run and tell the world but I don't know if I can go through with this. Somehow it just feels so right but somehow deep in my soul I am confused." Richard said.
Chad looked as if he had been hit between the eyes with a baseball bat. He was heartbroken and angry at the same time. "Okay, no it's not Okay Richard. Do you realize what you are doing to me? I trust you when you say that you aren't gonna squeal on me - that's not the problem. The problem is that you said you were willing to go slow and give it a chance. Now you are backpedaling. Hell, I'm as confused as you are." Chad responded.
He burned rubbed as he left the car wash and they drove to Richards in silence. "I'll talk to you later." Richard said as he got out of the car. "K" was the only reply heard.
Richard walked in the house. One minute he was on cloud nine the next minute he was lower than whale shit.
Richard went in said his hellos to the parents and went straight to bed. He fell asleep rather quickly and slept soundly not waking once till the alarm clock went off. He went downstairs to the aroma of sausage frying.
"Good morning, Hon." His Mother said.
"Morning Mom - Dad"
"Good morning Son. You didn't forget about the interview today, did you?" his Father asked.
"Nope. What should I wear?" Richard asked.
"Just casual clothes - jeans, nice T-shirt. This is a working shop, not a retail store." His Dad said.
Richard got dressed and he and Carl drove over to Jenkins Electronics. Just a plain older building with a small sign in the front proclaiming its presence. Richard and Carl walked in and introduced themselves to Mr. Jenkins. Mr. Jenkins had Richard fill out an application. While he was working on the `app' he said "Uh, I'm sorry but I don't have any work history to put in here. Would you like to see my report cards or something in its' place?".
"No Son. That's okay. I realize that everyone has to start somewhere so just leave it blank." Said Mr. Jenkins.
Richard finished the application and gave it to the old man. The old man asked him to wait in the front room while he had a chance to look it over. He then went back to the refrigerator and took a coke out, sat down and propped his feet up. He sipped his drink until about 5 minutes had passed and he went back out front. "Well Son. You have a job if you want to accept it. The pay is crummy and the hours aren't the best but it's yours for the taking. Oh, and don't call me Mr. Jenkins anymore. If you take the job I am Uncle Bob." Bob said.
Richard beamed. "Of course I will take it. When do I start?" Richard asked.
"Right now if you are ready." Bob said.
Bob had agreed to get Richard home at the end of the work day so Carl went ahead and left. The day was taken up mostly in indoctrination, where the supplies were kept, names and locations of various instruments, safety issues like NOT touching the back of the picture tube. All in al the day flew by.
"Well Son. You ready to call it quits for the day?" Bob asked.
"Guess so." Richard replied.
"You have a drivers license yet?" Bob asked.
"You better believe I do. Got it the week after turning 16." Richard replied.
"Well, would you like to drive my service truck home?" Bob asked.
"That'd be fine Uncle Bob." Richard replied.
"You can't keep it overnight but I will let you do the driving. The keys are on the board by the cash register, the ones with the Harley Davidson keyring attached. The truck is in the back of the shop." Bob said.
Richard found the keys and a few minutes came running back in saying "There's no truck out back, just this antique panel van."
"If it's maroon with wood trim on the sides, that's mine." Bob said.
"That's yours?" Richard beamed "And you're gonna trust me driving that beauty?"
"Sure. Just be careful." Bob said.
They left the shop and Richard asked if they could drive by Chad's house to show it to him. It was fine with Uncle Bob and off they went. They pulled up in front of Chad's and Richard stuck his hand out the window and squeezed the bulb on the old horn making it honk. Richard saw the curtains draw back in Chad's room and he waved at him. Soon he was down and out on the sidewalk next to the car. Richard made the introductions and asked Mr. Jenkins if it was okay for him to ride along with him and then asked Chad if he could have dinner at his house. Chad got permission from his Mom and they were on their way. Once home he was welcomed with many questions about how work went, what Mr. Jenkins was like, what was the hardest thing he had to do and did he learn anything. After dinner Richard and Chad went up to Richards room. As soon as they were in Richard put his hands on Chad's shoulders and Chad pulled away from him.
"Nope, Richard. Not gonna do it. You're not gonna be cold one minute and hot the next. I can't cope with that." Chad stated firmly.
It hurt Richard at first but he knew that it wasn't fair to Chad so he said "Okay, Pal-O-Mine. I'm guilty as charged and until I make up my mind and get my head screwed on straight, can't we just be best friends like before all this happened?" Richard asked.
"That's the ONLY way it's gonna be." Chad replied.
Richard pulled out the CD case and tossed it to Chad and said "You pick tonight, Bud.". Chad chose a CD, Richard turned on the Play Station and they sat in front of the screen. Richard leaned into Chad and said "No matter the outcome, Chad, I do love you and will always love you.". Chad smiled and said "The same goes for me Richard. At that moment `Two Hearts As One' began playing on the CD and Chad reached over and took Richards hand in his and they just stared at each other.
The two best friends listened to music, played video games, watched TV and enjoyed each others company just as it was before the episode in the park. Soon Chad had to go home. Normally when he stayed this late he would have slept over but considering the circumstances both of them thought it would not be a good idea.
Richard slept without any problems that night and awoke to a bright beautiful day. He got out of bed, showered, dressed and flew down the stairs to the inviting smells of food, good food, cooking in the kitchen.
"Well, slow down there Sport." His Dad said. "Morning Parental Units." Richard joked. "Good Morning Son. You seem to be in a great mood this morning." They all sat down and had an enjoyable meal.
Richard's Dad gave him the rules for using his Mom's car and he was off to his second day of work. When he walked through the back door of the shop Uncle Bob yelled for his to come on in the kitchen and have a cup of Joe' before they start work. "What's Joe'?" Richard asked not knowing that this was a term used for coffee. "Joe is java, mud, coffee. You like your's black or with cream or sugar?" Bob asked. "Just a little sugar, please." Richard replied. After the little coffee clatch was finished they went out to the shop to start repairing toasters, microwaves, VCR's, TV's, you name it, if it was electrical then Uncle Bob could fix it.
"Hey Richard. Run back in the house and look on my dresser and bring me my glasses with the loupe on them, please." Uncle Bob asked.
"Sure thing." Richard answered.
Richard went to Bob's bedroom and walked over to Bob's dresser to look for the old man's glasses. There on the dresser were picture after picture, photographs of older men, middle age men, young men and several teenagers. His curiosity getting the best of him he starts looking at the photos. He noticed that most of them were of men although there were some females pictured there. Some of the people he recognized. Many of the pictures were of two guys, some holding hands, some with arms draped around each other. Businessmen, farmers, construction workers, Nurses, both male and female, a religious man in his collar, and he saw one that was very familiar to him and his recent memory, two guys with their arms around each others backs standing in front of a squad car, Sgt. O'Brian and Officer McLaughlin. Richard was more than curious about this picture collection but would be too embarrassed to come right out and ask Bob what it was all about. He found the glasses and walked back out to the shop. Bob was busy reading a schematic on the bottom of a VCR.
"Here you go, Unc." Richard said.
"What took you so long son?" Bob asked a loaded question. He had intentionally sent Richard back there just to see the collection.
"Uh, er, I uh I had to go to the bathroom." Richard said.
"Did you like my picture collection?" Bob asked.
"Uh, Yeah. It's kinda large." Richard answered.
"Those are all special friends of mine." Bob said.
"Uh, Bob are all those people Uh, er, uh, you know..?" Richard asked.
"If what you are trying to ask is if all those people in that picture are gay, the answer is no. There are some straight people in there and some gay people in there. Probably more gay than straight if the truth was really know about some of them." Bob said smiling.
Richard was pretty intelligent and thought he had it all figured out and said "You know about me, don't you Bob?"
"I know that you are a fine young man. You have a great future ahead of you. You have a good family life. You are a caring individual. You are a good friend. AND that is pretty much all that counts, don't you think?" Bob asked.
"What I meant is that you know that I am gay, don't you?" Richard asked.
"Is that important. Does it detract from the total value of Richard Dean? I think not. But I'm only one person, Richard." Bob answered.
The rest of the day was spent in dialog with Uncle Bob building Richards self esteem and helping him deal with his sexual persuasion. At the end of the day Richard looked at Bob and said "Bob, are you gay?"
"No, Richard, I am not. When you were in my bedroom you probably noticed a picture of a young man in a gold frame standing behind a woman in a formal evening gown, didn't you" Bob asked.
"Yes, I did Bob. On the side nearest the bed, I think." Richard answered.
"That was my son, Richard. He was a lot like you. Once he entered Jr. High School I don't think he had a moments peace until he left this town. I found out that he was gay too late. His mother went up to wake him one morning for class, he was a Sophomore at the time, and there was a note on his pillow. That note was his coming out to his Mother and me but it was also a farewell note. He loved us too much to cause us shame he thought. And we have never seen him since. It's been 20 years now. His Mother couldn't deal with it and it drove her to an early grave." Bob said.
Richard walked over to the older gentleman and put his arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry, Bob." Richard said. Seeing it was not an easy subject to broach he just held him. Finally Richard asked "What is his name?".
"Gerald Anthony Jenkins." Bob replied.
That's all for now folks. I'd like to state that all the names are fictional. Got a direction you'd like to see the story take? Next chapter the romance blooms again, the mystery man in the john is revealed, Richard takes on finding Bob's son, and an unexpected outing. Like I said in the beginning, your comments would be greatly appreciated. E-mail me at webworm@nex.net