With Love We Can Be Human By James
Disclaimer
This is a story which deals with sexual/romantic situations between teenaged males. Should you be offended, or not of the legal age to read such materials, then please find something else to read. I can be reached at jamesheady1985@gmail.com for those who want to communicate with me regarding the story. Finally, please remember to donate to Nifty.org, as they need the public's donations to keep this material free.
With Love We Can Be Human
Chapter 13
Ethan
Life for me had always been a struggle. There was the fact that kids at school bullied me almost every chance we were alone with one another, teachers always pushed that I had some sort of learning disability and my parents were more worried about putting on positive images rather than really loving me. They cared more about how we looked to the outside world rather than us being a healthy functioning family in the first place. It was also hard to deal with when I had to turn them in for attempting to send me off to be cured of being gay. I was also scared when having to leave home, but I began to feel like I'd be okay once coming to Michael and Josh's house. That changed soon though.
Jordan and I had been friends as soon as I got there, or so I thought. I knew he was angry and there would be times when he and Michael or some of Michael's other brothers would have verbal arguments and he'd lose certain privileges. It seemed harmless enough, though a bit annoying. I guess I was attracted to Jordan's looks, as well as his slight Bad Boy image. It seemed attractive, but I didn't know at the time that he'd turn on me and that's when life became more of a struggle than it had been before.
A couple of weeks after he came to the center, he and I would lay on his bed and talk and soon after that, he began initiating sexual things. He first wanted me to let him go all the way with me, but I made sure he knew that that wouldn't be happening any time soon. He gave me a dark look, then told me to leave his room. The next night, he wanted me to suck him. I hadn't ever done anything with another boy before, most boys you hear about doing a little "You Show Me Yours, I'll Show You Mine", but I hadn't done anything like that. I always worried that I'd be caught and that my parents would find out, then I was always worried that if I found a boy with whom I could do anything like that, that he'd regret what we might do and tell someone, thus risking my parents finding out anyway.
So when Jordan asked if I'd let him fuck me, which was how he put it, I was actually grossed out. I wasn't ready for anything like that. The most I wanted to do with another boy was maybe some kissing and maybe touching one another's penises. Hell, I was still getting used to the fact that I could be out as gay, as well as getting comfortable with being gay in the first place. Then when Jordan wanted me to suck him the next night, I was a bit more uneasy. This had been when he came over to apologize for the night before, at which point he invited me back to his room again.
Once in his room, he had sat down after making sure the door was locked. He then told me to sit beside him, then he pointed down to between his legs.
"Wonder what happened there?" he asked smirking as he looked right at me.
"Is that your thing?" I asked
"No, it's a blob from Outer Space," he said laughing with a look on his face that suggested that I was a complete idiot. "Yeah, of course it's my "Thing" as you call it. First of all, it's not a "Thing", you're not seven years old anymore, it's called my cock. Also, yeah, it's hard, so I'd like it if you'd help me out with it."
"Um, what do you want me to do?" I asked hoping that nothing bad would happen.
"Show me what that hot mouth of yours is like," he said looking right at me with a hard look in his eyes.
"What?" I asked beginning to feel shaky, as well as tasting the slight metal taste of panic in my mouth.
"What?" he said in a thin, high voice which he added a lot of whininess to which I figured was his imitation of me. "I said for you to show me what your mouth feels like on my cock. God are you fucking stupid."
His laughter was contemptuous; his smile hard and mean. I felt hurt and then angry. I got up and got in front of him.
"I'm not stupid," I yelled, then went to back away from him.
He grabbed me and flipped me so that I fell face-down on the bed. He slapped me hard on my back, then flipped me over so I was face-up and he got on top of me pinning me to the bed.
"Don't fucking talk to me like that again," he hissed with his face barely an inch away from mine. His breath touched my skin and his facial hairs were so close that they brushed my cheek with a tickling sensation that was far from pleasant! It brought to mind what a rat sniffing around a person's face or other parts of their body before attacking might feel like. I began to get even more scared as that thought ran through my mind, as I had a huge fear of rats and still do. I began to breath more quickly and he noticed.
"Calm down," he said smirking at me and moving his face away from mine a little. "I haven't done anything yet."
He was still holding me down by my shoulders and the rest of him was on me and I could feel his hardness against mine and though I tried to keep myself still, I was growing hard as well.
"For someone who's not in to this, you're awakening pretty fucking quick," he said laughing with that mean look in his eyes.
His grip on my shoulders was getting tighter as he pressed his erection in to mine.
"You're really scaring me!" I said beginning to cry.
"Oh God," he said disgustedly. "Now come the tears, just like some fucking pussy-ass woman. You're just a fucking spineless Bitch."
He pressed down a little harder and I tried to push up a little to get out from under him. This unfortunately had the result of my pelvis pushing in to his and he smiled. God, he was enjoying this! I knew that there wasn't any way out and as I thought of screaming for help, Jordan must have known what I was thinking. He pushed down harder on my shoulders and lowered his face closer to mine so that his breath made contact with my skin again.
"I know what you're thinking," he whispered harshly. "Don't even try it. I'll tell them that you got hard too, you know they'll believe me over you."
"Okay!" I yelled as I felt like I was about to piss myself from fear. "I'll do it!"
He eased up off of me and sat back down.
"There," he said smiling down at me. "Was that really so fucking hard? Oh yeah, and I can take a long time to come, so I hope your jaw is strong. Well, go on then, get to work cock sucker!"
After it was over, he looked down at me from where he was sitting. My knees were hurting as I was still on the floor in front of him, the taste of him still in my mouth. He was getting soft now and I was waiting to see what would happen next. He got up and snapped his fingers for me to get up as well. I did so and he opened the door.
"Sweet dreams cock sucker," he said laughing. "This doesn't get out to anyone beyond this room."
He was holding me by my shoulder tightly and looking in to my eyes.
"I know," I said.
He let go of me and I returned to my room. I washed out my mouth with several cups of mouth wash and scrubbed my face as well as my mouth, then got in to bed. I was still trying to process what had happened and I was also getting more and more scared about what it might mean that I had gotten an erection when he was on top of me, after all I didn't want any of what he got me to do that night. It took a long time for me to fall asleep that night and I would later find out over the next few days that that night Jordan had made me suck him was the night of Brandon's friend Ryan's birthday. I'll always think about how I wished at the time that I could have been there once finding out about that.
0000
Todor
That week after the weekend of Ryan's birthday was one that wasn't one of my favorites. It seemed that dark times were ahead for us at the house and Jordan seemed to be at the center of it. I would see him and Ethan together, and though I got weird feelings about Jordan when first being around him a few times when he first came there, he seemed okay and Ethan seemed to like him. Now though, when I would watch them together, Ethan seemed afraid of him though he tried to hide it,. Even when they would play games in the game/living room, there was a meanness to anything Jordan would say to Ethan, especially when he would make jokes whenever Ethan would make a mistake. Sure, we all would give one another shit when making an error on whatever game we were playing, but it was all in fun and we all knew it and made sure that one another knew it as well.
On Wednesday of that week, was when I saw Ethan and Jordan in the living room playing one of the games that was in the room. Ethan lost at one of his turns and Jordan smirked at him.
"Not on your game today Soy Boy?" he said.
Sorry," Ethan said with a stammer that hadn't been there before.
"No problem," Jordan said in a happy and cheerful voice that when listening carefully, sounded too cheerful. "It's just what happens when you think you're the hot shit of life when you're really not. Am I right or what?"
He laughed and looked over at where Michael and I were sitting while Michael was going over a couple of corrections with me on a homework assignment.
"Jordan," Michael said trying to keep his patients under control. "That's not appropriate and I don't like that name "Soy Boy". Now that'll be enough."
"Fine," Jordan said with a cheerful tone that was fake as Hell, and the biggest "Fuck You" look he could give Michael. "What say you Speechless?" he asked looking right at me. "You don't like that name either."
A flash of rage shot through me and as I felt my face flush red, Michael put a calming hand on my shoulder. I could interpret his message.
"I got this," he was communicating to me.
"That's not really nice Jordan," Ethan said, but his voice was as weak and stammering as a house built on sand.
Jordan gave him a warning look.
"Jordan!" Michael said in a louder voice. "I want this behavior stopped and I want it stopped now! It's not like you don't know how! Now that's enough! Do you understand!"
"Yeah, relax," Jordan said. "I'll stop. Wouldn't want you to get mad at me."
His tone was more patronizing than I had ever heard in a person's voice before in my life and I could have cheerfully shot him right then and there!
"Thank you," Michael responded as he turned back to me.
I looked at Ethan before he turned away and I saw the look in his eyes. It was a cross between being apologetic for not doing more to stand up for me, as well as being afraid. Jordan clearly had some sort of hold on him and I was afraid for him! I gave him a smile that was meant to say that I understood he tried to stand up for me and that I appreciated the attempt on his part, because I knew deep down that he didn't want to see me treated how I was by Jordan.
After Michael finished with my corrections, I went to mine and Misho's room. He was sitting in the chair across from the bed with his Ipod on and his earbuds in. He saw me then removed them and stopped play-back of whatever it was he was listening to.
He came over to me and smiled. He was thinking of trying one of his tricks like what he did over at Ryan's house with his thumb on my head, then he looked closer at me and settled for putting his hand on my shoulder and looking at me with a concerned look.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
I motioned for him to come over to the bed with me and I wrote down everything that had happened in the living room. He read it and then slammed the note down on the bedside table.
"Speechless!" he said almost growling the word. "That fucking Bastard is the one who's going to be speechless when I get ahold of him!"
Misho's face was deep-red; his eyes were like green fire! I knew that I couldn't let the two of them get in to the confrontation Misho had in mind. I was getting alarm bells going off in my consciousness that were telling me that Jordan could be dangerous!
"No don't!" I wrote in big red letters. That was the color in which I wrote whenever communicating about something either deeply important, scary or deeply serious! "Please, just let Michael deal with Jordan. I don't know what he might do if we try to fight him. You didn't see Ethan when they were together in the living room when it happened!"
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Ethan tries to hide it, but he looks scared to death of Jordan. When he tried to stand up for me when Jordan said what he had said to me, there was no fight in his voice at all. I'm telling you, he's got some hold over Ethan and I'm really afraid for him!"
"When you say that, I understand and am really getting afraid for him myself!" Misho said moving closer to me.
He was afraid too, the fire in his eyes was replaced with a haunted look and his face was no longer deep-red, but a light-red which was quickly fading to white.!
0000
Brandon
The week after Ryan's birthday was sunny for the most part. Torey and I got together for lunch a couple of times, though we were away from the center. This was Torey's idea and at the end of the week, he took me to the woods in back of my house where we had our first outside lunch. He told me about how there seemed to be problems at the house, the center of which was Jordan. He also told me that Ethan wasn't acting right and no one could figure out what was going on. Ethan would isolate himself and only be with Jordan, but acted afraid of him though he attempted to hide it.
"Jordan doesn't have the kindest eyes," I said. "I know that's not the whole of a person, but there was more when I first met him. I can't describe it exactly, but it seemed like a vibe that was mean or cruel. I know that many of the kids who come there can have some anger and given the particular area of the population Michael and Josh serve, that's not out of the ordinary. Whatever is going on with Jordan seems different though."
"I know," Torey said looking at me, but looking through me as well.
"You're worried too?" I asked.
"Yeah," he replied focusing on me with his eyes.
"You seem really bothered by this," I said putting a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"He reminds me of some of the kids who were in the place I was at before Michael got me out of it," he said. "In those kinds of places, it wasn't unusual for the kids with more levels of the program completed to be put in charge of other kids who were in lower levels. If these so-called more "Experienced" kids already were bullies, then they had a chance to bully other kids which worsened the problems they were sent away to control in the first place. Even if these kids weren't bullies right from the start, they eventually became like that to new kids. Why wouldn't they? It's impossible to be in an environment like that and keep one's kindness for long. Fuck all that bullshit they tell you today about adjusting your thoughts to happy, kind and positive ones! Human nature has its dark side and it'll have its voice, it's just a question of when and in what situations in life."
"Jordan could have fit well in one of those places in other words," I said.
"Yeah," he replied. "That's exactly what I'm saying. That's really the most sick thing about these places, how they put these kids in positions to do little more than fight other kids. Fuck all the noble ideas of building character for these kids. I choose to call it for what it is, they take advantage of these kids and their vulnerabilities, then basically turn them in to bigger bullies and haters than they already are, if they're not like that already when first coming to these places."
His face was drained of color and his eyes were here, but he was back at the place they kept him at only a short time ago. I opened my mouth to change the subject, but he went on talking.
"I didn't physically fight any of the kids there, it was more like they did it to me first and it was planned," he went on, more talking to himself rather than to me. "They had an actual boxing ring in the basement where if a guy broke the rules or smarted off to a teacher, then they would get kids with more strength and muscular abilities to get in the ring with the offending kid. The kid would have to try and physically fight every other kid they put in the ring. They'd usually put five or six in at a time. The fights wouldn't really last for more than a couple of minutes. The kid would try to fight two or three before tiring, then falling down from the pain. I tried to fight past three of them, but the fourth knocked me out."
His voice was almost a whisper and I knew that he was reliving what he was describing. I felt sad and helpless for him, as well as sad for the kids who he was describing. Yes, some of them were most likely bullies and abusers long before those places got ahold of them, but abuser or abused, no kid deserves what they were put through in the name of education or whatever excuse they're using now.
What is it about our society here in America that excites us to hate kids? Is this what we do to ourselves? What does it say about our society where we don't like how a kid isn't acting exactly how we think he or she should in school, then they get poisoned by drugs which make them little more than robots and we justify these horrors with labels such as ADD/ADHD? Finally and most disturbing, what does it say about our society that we can dismiss a child as a "Troubled Child" or "Troubled Teen" then lock them up in prisons within the Troubled Teen Industry, then act surprised when we find out that most of these places aren't regulated by people other than the ones who run them? What does it say about our society when we even tacitly accept that a kid is forced in to one of these places, then we express shock that they're even worse after being released than when they went in? Even more ominously, what does it say about our society that we want or even in a begrudging way accept that this is being done to the youth among our society?
Torey finished what he was saying and I listened to his closing remarks of what he was reliving as I also finished my monologue in my head.
"The point I was originally going to make," Torey went on coming back to himself. "Is that There's another reason that I'm worried about what Jordan could do, aside from him reminding me of someone from a troubled teen prison."
"What?" I asked moving closer to him.
"When you and I finished talking on the phone a couple of nights ago," he began. "It was Wednesday night, just a couple of nights ago. You and I hung up and I was going back to my room. It was almost time for us all to get settled in to our rooms before lights out. I went in my room and Jordan walked in with that damn smirk he loves so much. He sat down on the bed after closing the door. He didn't even ask if he could come in, and I turned to face him."
"Asshole," I said disgusted.
"Yeah," he answered. "Anyway, he sat there and he actually had the nerve to ask if you and I were going all the way yet?"
"What!" I said louder than I meant to. "Sorry. That just surprised me, and not in a good way obviously."
"Don't worry about it," he said. "That was basically my same reaction, but I was shocked enough that I just looked at him for a moment, then said that whatever you and I are or aren't doing sexually isn't any of his business."
"What did he say?" I asked.
"He said that he could give me some tips for when you and I start getting nasty, his words not mine. I asked him what he meant and he began talking about some "Movies" he could lend to us."
"Oh, how nice," I said disdainfully. "Porn right?"
"I thought of that, but then he began going in to detail about what happened in the movies," Torey responded. "They're what I call "Gag Movies". They're an actual thing. Michael talked a little about them in one of our Ethics Classes when talking about moral and ethical issues in sexuality. He briefly described that women have been in some of these films and in the videos, these women are put with men who shove their penises down their throats until they gag, vomit or both."
"Yeah," I said. "My dad talked about that in a couple of his sermons and said that authors like Chris Hedges have been speaking out against that kind of thing in porn though Hedges in principle is against pornography all together. I agree with him and haven't really felt an urge to check porn out, neither on the straight side or otherwise."
"I've mostly felt the same way," Torey replied. "I was mainly too afraid that I'd get caught by my parents when I still lived with them, but I just never felt the need or desire for that. Michael's talk about what I was talking about a moment ago has definitely pushed me away from any curiosity about it, especially given how porn these days is little more than rape films, especially with the "Gag Films" I just mentioned."
"Yeah, that's fucking sick!" I said and felt extremely uncomfortable in the pit of my stomach.
"So Jordan was going on and on about these films and was of course talking about ones where it was guy-on-guy sex, if you can even call what they were doing "Sex"," Torey went on. "He also began laughing when describing how the guy sucking the other guy would lose it and'''."
He didn't have to finish.
"I understand," I said shaking and feeling like I could be sick at any moment. "So Jordan in short, is a fucking pervert and seems to be a loose cannon as well."
"Yeah," Torey said as his face grew more troubled.
0000
Torey
I told Brandon the last thing which was when Jordan called Todor "Speechless a few days ago when he and Ethan were in the living room with him and Michael as Michael was helping him with homework corrections.
0000
Brandon
"Bastard!" I said through gritted teeth. "Don't hesitate to tell me if Jordan tries anything else against you or anyone else. Also, does Ryan know anything about this. I know he's started going up to the center during the day for activities while his mom's at work. My god, if Jordan gets around him!"
"Ryan's in one of the other buildings that houses several of the art rooms, Jordan hardly ever goes there and Michael as well as his other brothers have been keeping a closer than usual eye on Jordan, so I think Ryan will be okay."
"I hope so," I said as we got up to go back to the house.
0000
Todor
I walked in to the house and sat down my bag which contained the workout clothes I had been using. I was showered, as I had already used the showers up at the gym and so wouldn't have to worry about that, other than getting my clothes from the bag in to the washer. I went to pick up the bag when I sensed movement behind me, then a voice which I quickly knew was Jordan's.
"Check out my new trick," he said smiling. "It's called a pressure point. Feel the pressure Bitch"
Just then I felt intense pain in my right shoulder as Jordan pressed down with the knuckles of his right hand. I screamed in pain, but especially in rage. I turned and grabbed out for him and took hold of him. In a dark-red rage, I slammed my knee in his balls and then punched him with all the force I had in me in the eye. He yelled in pain, then was curled up in a ball on the floor. I grabbed him and punched him two more times, then there were voices as people ran in to the room.
"Todor! No!" one yelled and I felt a tight grip on my right shoulder which made the spot where Jordan pressed down hurt all the more. I jerked around and moved back my fist to attack whoever it was, but it was David. "I'm here. Just relax."
After Jordan was taken to the on-grounds clinic we have there, David and I went in to one of the counseling rooms. Michael and Josh joined us, then Chad and Andrew came in to get the reports as I told what had happened. Chad was Josh's father and Andrew was Michael's dad.
After I went over what had happened, Michael, David and Josh sat talking with me. There would be no punishment for me, given that what I had done was self-defense. I told them that I was worried about Jordan. I also reminded them that this situation alone, showed that he could try something, given that they couldn't be with him every second of the day.
"You're right," Michael said. "I can't go in to what our plans are due to confidentiality, but I can say that Jordan won't be a problem much longer. He's clearly not a good fit for this place."
He didn't need to say more. I also saw the hurt in his eyes as well as hearing it in his voice. He hoped that he could have helped Jordan, but it seemed that even he couldn't reach him.
Once back in mine and Misho's room, I told him what happened and let him know that Michael had implied that they were looking for different placement for Jordan.
"They damn well had better be!" Misho said angrily as he sat down beside me on the bed. "If they don't, I'll find placement for him that will be isolated and permanent."
"I hope you're not talking about'''," I began.
"Killing him?" Misho said with his eyes full of hate. Wouldn't want to push me closer to the edge."
Misho," I replied with my note, but tried to communicate more with my eyes and facial expressions. I wrote again. "I hope you're not going to do anything. Please tell me you won't! I know you don't like him, but I don't want you going to jail over him. He's just a bully and he'll be gone soon."
"A freak like him isn't just a "Bully" and he'll be gone alright, gone to do harm to another group of kids. Don't like him is what you said?
You truly have no idea. Don't worry though; I won't focus much on him. Like you said, he'll be gone soon."
Misho was calming down, but I knew that something was really bothering him and it seemed that he was taking this extremely hard for someone who wasn't really around Jordan that much. After all, Ethan seemed to be getting the majority of Jordan's focus at this point.
After he had calmed down, Misho went over to make sure the door was locked, then came back over to the bed. I was dressed in just a short-sleeved shirt and comfortable shorts that had a regular stretch band. Misho more or less had on the same thing, and he sat down beside me then moved closer.
"I could check that spot for you," he said softly.
I agreed and removed my shirt. The nurse had looked at it and said that it was just bruised, but the skin wasn't broken which I was happy about.
I got my shirt off and Misho looked closely at the bruise, then touched it lightly. It hurt a bit, but not so much that I had to have him stop touching it. Then he moved close so that I could feel his breath on my shoulder. He kissed the bruised spot tenderly and repeated the loving gesture. I smiled then turned to him.
"Thank you," I said and smiled lovingly at him.
"You're welcome," he replied, then we laid down to rest for a bit in one another's arms.
0000
A few days later when Ryan was walking back to the house from one of the art rooms in the third building at Michael and Josh's place, he saw Jordan standing by the steps leading up to the front door. Ryan sometimes got a weird feeling in the middle of his stomach whenever meeting someone who could be of questionable character, or just straight up mean. He felt this way the moment he met Jordan when first coming to the center. Their meeting was quick, but it was enough for Ryan to feel uneasy around him. He was also hearing things from his friends about how Jordan could be rough with some of the other kids and even try to hurt them. They also told him what Jordan did to Todor's shoulder a few days before, so he was more uneasy now when walking up to the house. He neared the steps and Jordan stepped in front of him.
"Well, if it isn't Ryan," he said smirking at him. "Learn anything new today? Oh, that's right. There's not much for you to learn. That's really sad though. I'm sure you'd love to really be able to be part of your friends and their activities."
"I already am with my friends," Ryan replied confused. "I'm close with Brandon and all of his other friends."
"Yeah, that's my point," Jordan said stepping closer to him. "They're Brandon's friends. He introduced you to them."
"I know," Ryan said more confused now.
"You really don't get anything do you?" Jordan said in mock pity. "You really think they like having to explain everything to you that they talk about?"
"Uh, they say they don't have a problem with that," Ryan said beginning to get more uneasy.
In the house now, Jordan lead Ryan over to the couch which was in a room beside the living room. He was sitting close to Ryan, too close and he was looking at him, but that didn't seem right. It felt to Ryan, that he was looking deep in to him, as if he could read and know every single thing about Ryan, especially each and every one of Ryan's fears.
"The point I'm making," Jordan went on once they were seated. "Is that people say lots of things. Your mom probably says she loves you right?"
"Yeah," Ryan said looking at Jordan.
"You think she really loves you?" he said leaning closer looking right in to Ryan's eyes. "Do you really believe that. I've heard you talk to other kids here when passing by about how you've always been afraid of going to a nursing home for people like you. I know you say that you're mom tells you all the time she won't let that happen, but everyone has their limit of what they can and can't deal with."
"What do you mean?" Ryan asked as Jordan smiled and Ryan could see that it was a mean hard smile.
"I mean, that she says she loves you and won't let anything bad happen to you," Jordan went on. "But I'm sure in her mind she wishes she didn't have to deal with you and your mental problems."
"I don't have mental problems," Ryan said beginning to get angry.
"Relax," Jordan said putting his hand on Ryan's arm. "I didn't mean it like that. Your problem is, is that your mom likes to tell you what you want to hear, rather than what you need to hear. People say lots of things. A husband buys a dress for his wife and she says she loves it and acts like she's about ready to throw him down and fuck him right there on the living room floor, when the reality is that she thinks the dress is a disgusting piece of shit and she thinks he's a complete prick for buying it for her. It's like your situation, your mom says she loves you, but even she has her patients with having to deal with you not knowing anything in life. Brandon and his friends are the same. To them, you're like a new puppy."
"What?" Ryan said beginning to get more upset.
"You know?" Jordan said moving closer so that his body was pressed right up against Ryan's now. "How many kids do you know who get a new puppy and for a few days, they're happy with it. They love it and can't stop playing with it, but after a few days go by, they get sick of it and having to clean up after it, feed it and walk it. You're like that puppy. Brandon and his friends are excited about your special situation, you being retarded and all. They think it's cute. Same thing with your mom. I'm sure she feels the same way, but that'll all probably change eventually."
"That's not true," Ryan said close to tears. "They're my friends, my mom's there for me and she loves me."
"I know hearing about the truth of how the real world works is hard, but the problem is, your mom, Brandon and his friends are the type of people who won't tell you the truth about how the world actually works."
Jordan motioned for Ryan to follow him to his room. Something told Ryan to not go in Jordan's room with him, but Jordan had a tight grip on his arm and was tugging gently, but there was a firmness there that Ryan didn't like.
Ryan went with him getting more scared than he was before.
Once in his room, they sat down on the bed and Jordan smiled at him.
"I wanted to show you something," he said turning towards him with his legs spread. "Here's another thing about the world you should learn. I'll bet you've never had sex before right?"
"Uh, right," Ryan said as his mouth went dry from fear and panic.
"Man, you really need to get with the program," Jordan replied. "Check this out."
Ryan was even more shocked when Jordan pulled out his penis which was hard. Disgusted, Ryan got up off the bed and ran towards the door. Jordan zipped himself back up and ran after him. He grabbed Ryan and turned him around holding him tightly by his shoulders. The grip hurt and Ryan was losing the fight not to cry.
"Fine, leave," Jordan snarled just an inch from Ryan's face. "But if you ever tell anyone what I said to you or what you just saw, I'll know about it. You tell anyone about being in here with me, I'll know. When I find out that you've told anyone about this, if you do tell, I'll find you and you're not going to like what I'll do to you."
There was a knock on the door and Jordan opened it after getting a whispered agreement from Ryan not to say anything.
0000
Michael
I saw Jordan standing beside Ryan and Ryan was looking down at his shoes. I stepped in to the room and didn't like the vibe I was getting.
"Your mom's here," I said to Ryan. "What were you guys doing in here?" I asked looking directly at Jordan.
"Just talking," Jordan said looking right back at me. "I was telling Ryan everything he needs to know about how the real world actually works. I wasn't coddling him, unlike some people in his life."
Those last words were spoken with a sneer and his tone of voice was like burning acid. I lead Ryan out of Jordan's room and didn't like that little exchange at all. I heard back from the other place that day that we were sending Jordan to, and they said he'd be gone in the next couple of days. I just hoped that it would be soon enough before anything else could happen. I didn't know that the worse was soon to come.
0000
Brandon
I went with Austin, Dana, Torey, Todor and Misho over to Ryan's house. It had been a few days since we had seen him and his mom had said that he was acting strangely. She had picked him up that Friday and he was quiet and withdrawn. He also wasn't affectionate with her like he usually was. He'd let her hug him, but he wasn't returning her affections back and he mainly just stayed out by his two trees between breakfast, lunch and dinner. She also told us that he had several nightmares over the past few nights, but wouldn't tell her what they were about. He didn't say that they were about nothing, for that would require him to lye, something Ryan was incapable of doing. He would just say that he didn't want to tell her right at the moment.
This went on for a couple of days, finally she called me and I called the rest of my friends. The thing she said though that bothered me was that when she'd ask Ryan if he wanted to visit us, he said that he didn't think that this would be a good idea since he realized suddenly that we didn't truly care about him. That actually scared me the more I thought about it. Was he having some psychotic break? Was he having some increasing problem with some sort of brain abnormality about which the doctors knew nothing at that point, or was there a worsening of his intellectual disabilities that hadn't been anticipated as of yet? Whatever the truth, I was going to find out.
We got to Ryan's house and his mom greeted us. She didn't take us to him right away, she had us sit down at the kitchen table. She looked at me first and though she was being nice, I knew that she was also in her protector mode and I knew how parents can get when that happens.
"I want you to tell me the truth Brandon," she said. "When Ryan said that you guys weren't really his friends, he also added that people pretend to like a lot of things and pretend to like a lot of people. I really don't want to think'''."
"No!" I said louder than I meant to. "I know what you're implying. I am not pretending to like Ryan and neither are these other friends of mine!"
They all agreed and she sat there for a moment and was trying to keep it together.
"Deep down I know you guys wouldn't do this, but I just don't understand what happened," she said. "I should go and get him."
Once out of the room, Todor handed me a note.
"I think I know what happened, and if I'm right then we have to do something," the note read.
"What do you mean," I asked him.
He wrote longer this time, but once he was done, Ryan and his mom were back in the room.
"I know you don't think they're your friends," his mom began. "But I know they wouldn't ever pretend to be your friends."
Ryan stood there looking at us all wanting to believe what his mom was saying was true. He turned to her and was trying not to cry.
"Mom?" he began. "You wouldn't ever get tired of having me around would you?"
"What!" she said and he flinched. "I'm sorry Ryan. I just wasn't expecting that."
He let her put her arm around him and he drew a little closer which was a good sign.
"Well, It's just that you have to explain everything to me, and so do you," he said as he turned to face us. Turning back to his mom, he went on: "I mean, people don't always say what they're thinking, and you've had to do a lot of hard work to help me in life, and you would probably be happier if I was in some nursing home so you could have a happier life."
He was closer to tears now and he wasn't angry, but he seemed resigned to what he believed. Why was he saying all this?
"I wouldn't have a happy life," she responded taking him in her arms. "If you weren't in it with me. I promise that you're not going to go to one of those places and I really am working on making sure that that doesn't happen."
She let go of him and we went to him. We took turns telling him that our friendship was real and that we really did love him.
"You guys aren't just pretending to be my friends?" he said as he began to believe what we were saying.
"What we have with you is real," Austin said.
He put a hand on Ryan's shoulder, something he always would do, but Ryan moved to avoid the contact.
"Ryan?" I asked.
I reached out, but he backed away even further.
"My shoulders kind of hurt," he said looking down. "I don't really want to be touched on them right now."
After I got him relaxed enough to let us take a look, he took off his shirt and I saw the deep bruises on the front and back of both his shoulders. They looked like finger marks, as if someone had grabbed him and held him roughly. His mom was shocked. She moved forward and looked with her eyes.
"Ryan, did someone hurt you?" she asked sitting down beside him.
He looked down at the table.
"You can tell us anything," Austin said softly coming over and hugging him gently. Ryan broke down and began sobbing.
"He said not to tell anyone, not any of you," he said through his tears.
"Who said?" Ryan's mom asked holding him close after Austin let go of him.
"Jordan," Ryan sobbed.
I felt cold all over, and a slow rage took hold of me mixed with fear as well as dread.
"The son of a Bitch got to him after all!" I thought in my head. "And none of us were around to stop it!"
0000
Ryan told the whole story, and after he told it, his crying slowly eased, then stopped. He waited for a moment, then told them the final part of when Jordan exposed himself to him and when he grabbed him.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that!" his mom said horrified and taking him in her arms again.
He began crying again and I felt close to doing the same. I excused myself and went in to the bathroom. I felt like I would be sick, and I sat down on the edge of the tub to try to get my stomach under control. The thought wouldn't leave my mind. My mind kept tormenting me with imagining the experience as it played out between Ryan and Jordan, with me picturing what it must have been like from Ryan's point of view, how scared he must have been. I knew one thing for sure as I sat there slowly calming down. One way or another, Jordan was finished. I wasn't going to wait for the state to take their sweet time getting Jordan the hell out of there while my friends were harmed by this Bastard.
After going back in the kitchen, I saw that everyone had went to the living room and I went in there. Ryan's mom was on the phone to Michael and the conversation on her side at least was getting more and more heated. She went out of the room and outside altogether so as not to get Ryan on edge again.
Austin took Ryan to his room to do some drawing and I knew that things were coming to a conclusion. I knew it was time to talk.
"So what's our plan?" I asked. "I like Michael and Josh. I love what they're doing for you guys and for other kids, but it's time to call things by their proper names. They've taken in someone even they can't help and they've done the right thing by looking for other placement for him. It's taking a while for the state to respond, and that's not their fault. I understand that, but I'm not waiting around for that creep to hurt someone else and I already think he's hurting Ethan and given what Ryan told us, I think I know how."
"They all nodded sadly and then Torey and I told Dana, Todor and Misho about the conversation we had a while back about what Jordan was interested in.
"He really is disgusting," Dana said horrified.
Misho's face was drained of all color and Todor handed me the note he had been holding on to earlier.
"Jordan hurt me a few days ago. First he called me "Speechless", then he pushed down hard on my right shoulder a couple of days after that. It really upset Misho and I've had to talk Misho several times out of doing something to him. I know you guys know about that, but he also has been talking to Misho and I about his fucked up movies he likes. I think he does it to both of us and makes sure that Misho's especially around, because he knows it gets a bigger reaction from Misho when he does it."
"I don't want any of us hurting Jordan and going to jail because of him, but this needs to stop," I said.
We all talked and a plan formed. We would hang with Ryan a little while longer and make sure he was truly okay, then we were going to text our parents that we would be going up to have dinner at Michael and Josh's. They didn't know much about what was going on with Jordan, but the little they did know, they warned us to make sure we told if anything happened. Up to that point, nothing much had really happened, but things had now.
Once up at the center, we would find Jordan and confront him. We would make sure to do it in front of Michael and his security team in case anything happened.
Once we had our plan together, I felt relieved. Everyone else did as well. If only we knew what that night had in store for us.
Author's Notes
I wanted to stop here. You'll find out what happens in the next chapter.
What Torey described regarding the hardcore element to porn in today's age is real. Chris Hedges in his books "America: the Farewell Tour" and Empire of Elusion: the End of Literacy and the Triumph of Spectacle" document how women are placed in movie scenes where they're made to give oral sex to a guy. The guy can treat the woman as rough as he wants and usually gags the woman when being inside her mouth. In other movies of this kind, a woman can be filmed with multiple men. In one movie titled "65-Guy Cream-Pie" a woman is put in a scene where she has oral, anal and vaginal sex with up to 65 guys and even more than that. Though I've already given enough disturbing material here, I won't go in to the specific details of that movie scene. It's in Chris Hedges's book "Empire of Elusion" in Chapter Two titled "The Illusion of Love". The point I'm making though is that these films do exist. Women when or if they do talk about their stories are often dismissed as making their own choice to have done these films. This is a misuse of the word "Choice". Choice implies that one knows both the good and bad risks, as well as all the possible consequences, both good and bad that could occur based on said choice. This idea that these women made their own choice, there for what they're experiencing isn't rape is what these porn producers have to say to justify the poison they distribute to society. Yes, these kinds of films are popular in gay porn as well unfortunately and before I discovered Chris Hedge's above-mentioned books and believed as contemporary liberals do, that porn is on par with freedom of speech, and when I checked out some gay porn, I had the unfortunate luck of finding some of these porn films.
These are more accurately described not as porn films, but as rape films. They are the logical conclusion to which cruelty towards women and to others in general is drawn. While we have this problem going on, we at least have movements such as "Time's Up" and "#Me Too" the members of whom are attempting to stop the systemic cruelty towards women that allow for such trash to exist in the first place. That being said though, I'll get this chapter of the story out and this story ark should run through the next chapter, probably even the one after that.
There are people in life who often ask me if I believe in thinking positively and one friend got frustrated with me when I attempted to talk to him regarding the reality of a situation he wanted to see with rose-colored glasses, he grew annoyed and told me to just be happy for him. My point of bringing this up is that I want to acknowledge that this story ark is probably one of the more disturbing I've written in the history of writing for this site. I'm surprised that I don't get more e-mails asking me why my stories are so dark as they can be at times. While I've answered this unasked question in other author notes, I'll say that while I try to have happy moments in my stories and have positive moments, the reality is that I don't share our countries addiction and obsession with hope, positive thinking and happy thoughts. When Torey says: "Fuck all that bullshit they tell you today about adjusting your thoughts to happy, kind and positive ones! Human nature has its dark side and it'll have its voice, it's just a question of when and in what situations in life.", early on in this chapter, that's basically me talking. One can't speak of hope and positivity when in their society, kids are being taken in to the Troubled Teen Industry, porn films are made with women most of whom are eventually sent in to prostitution and Capitalism has become a tool for corporations to use to enrich themselves at the expense of their workers and of us all. To speak of hope, happiness and positive thinking given this reality in which we live, speaking of those nonreality-based ideas is as fake as an abuser using the word "Love" when with a partner or spouse they're abusing.
Finally, what Torey talked about regarding teens in the prison he was forced in to fighting one another both in general and in a boxing ring in particular is based on a school in which teens were imprisoned who had drug and alcohol issues back in the 1980s and 1990s. One of the punishments which they would be given was to do the thing Torey described which was to actually get in to a boxing ring and the kid who acted up would have to fight all the other kids placed in the ring. If one thinks of "The Hunger Games" Series, then they would be correct, since this is essentially what was at work, using kids to fight other kids. This unfortunately is the sign of a society that's suffered problems and this is what happens when people in the society refuse to look at the root of the problem. Scapegoats are sought out, people become comodified and used only for what they can do for others, as well as people giving up on the most in need of attention, resources and various services, this would include children. Given the Neo-Liberalism under which we're living currently, it's not an accident that these prisons to which these kids are sent exist. They're making big money off the backs of these kids and sadly, there are few who know how to connect the dots of this problem to do something about it.
All that being said, I hope everyone has a good Thanks Giving and I'll see everyone in Chapter 14.