I smiled shyly at Chris "Ya, it's me"
"What.... Why... am I here?" He asked looking very confused.
"Well... I didn't think it was fair that I left you hanging." I said with a small smile.
Chris looked at me questioningly "You're my secret admirer?"
"Yea, it's me.." I said with a slight smile.. "Surprise..." This wasn't going over as well as I thought it would have. Chris didn't look at all happy to see me standing in front of him. He just looked totally shocked, and a bit disappointed.
"I... don't know what to say..." Chris said softly looking down at the ground and rubbing the back of his neck.
"Listen Chris.... I am obviously not who... you wanted me to be... so why don't I just take you back to the hotel" I said in a whisper... squeezing my eyes closed and willing myself not to cry. How could I have been so foolish I yelled at myself in my head. Of course he doesn't want me to be his secret admirer.
"Lance hey... Don't be upset and you don't have to take me back. We should talk about this." Chris said laying his hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze.
"Chris, I feel like a total ass. By your reaction I can tell this is not something you wanted at all. I am not the person you hoped it would be." I said sourly looking Chris straight into his beautiful brown eyes.
"Lance, don't be like this. I am just surprised that's all. I never expected anything to happen to quickly. Please... let's talk about this!" Chris pleaded with me.
I sighed and just rummaged into the picnic basket and pulled out the blanket and spread it out over the grass. I sat down cross-legged and motioned for Chris to sit too.
Chris sat down in front of me and gave me a small smile. I tried to smile back, but.. my heart just wasn't in it and I think Chris saw that.
"Lance, common... don't be such a sour puss." Chris said trying to make me smile. Which totally did not work.
I just thrust a wrapped sandwich into his hands and pulled out a thermos. I didn't even look at him, I couldn't bring myself to look at him. My heart was twisting and I felt like I was going to throw up. So this is what rejection feels like I told myself.
Chris, who had just unwrapped his sandwich smiled at me. "Peanut butter and Jelly... how'd you know Lance?" he asked me quietly.
"I did research." I said curtly as I handed him a glass of blue Kool-Aid.
"And blue Kool-Aid too. Wait... peanut butter and jam sandwiches, Kool-Aid, picnic, candles, pond... even the bench." Lance ... have you been reading those teen magazines?" Chris asked me questioningly.
"So what if I have. Do you have a problem with that?" I snapped.
"Lance, come on... don't be so rude ok? We have to talk... by the looks of things we have all night to talk." Chris said softly looking at me with those big brown eyes.
"Sure Chris. Right now, I just want to eat my supper ok?" I said trying not to sound as harsh as I did.
Chris sighed, and ate his sandwich, and asked for another. We went through eating our dinner in silence. I felt like I was dying inside. Why did I have to be so gullible? Why me? What did I do?
Chris finished eating and leaned back on the blanket and stared at me. I felt him looking over every part of me, as if he was checking over every part of me. I decided that if he was allowed to do this, so was I. I looked over him as well. His shoulders were gently rounded and I wanted to lay my head upon them. His hands were delicate, his fingers long and slender. He had the perfect sized body, he wasn't to large, but small enough to cuddle comfortably to me. His lips were so full and they looked so soft, I wanted to kiss them. He had a impish quality to him that was irresistible, had been ever since I first met him.
Chris cleared his throat "Um... Lance I think this is wonderful. I can tell you went through a lot to get this place. How DID you?" Chris asked cautiously.
I shrugged "I called in a favour from one of my friends that owed me something." I said simply and took another bite of my sandwich.
"I see..." Chris said softly and we went back to sitting in an uncomfortable silence.
I just ate my sandwich and stared at the blanket as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Really... I wanted to be in Chris' arms... but I am sure by now that was overly obvious. This was certainly not going as I had planned for it to go. It was going awful... totally awful.
"Lance, common... we have to talk about this... it isn't going to go away." Chris said hesitantly.
"Chris there is nothing to talk about. I obviously misjudged the situation, and I feel like a big enough ass... so could we just drop it please?" I snapped at Chris. I just wanted to go back to the hotel and sit in my room and wallow in self-pity.
"Lance... I am just surprised that's all. I will be frank, I honestly wanted it to be someone else." Chris said softly staring me right in the eye. "But, it's not a totally bad thing that it is you. I can honestly say I've never thought of you in the romantic sense... but I cannot say the idea isn't a bad one. I don't know if I have feelings for you, or could. I know people believe in love at first sight, but when you overlook something... well it cannot be at first sight. I mean... when the group first got together I admit I found you extremely attractive. However, I just noticed this other person too... and they had more of a pull. I'm not saying it was love at first sight, but he really is a striking person... everyone is awed by him. I lusted after him. I am sure our personality types could never be compatible." Chris told me honestly, and I was happy for his honesty. I was starting to feel a bit better by the whole thing.
"Well then Chris... I am going to have to do things old fashioned and court you, I know that sounds silly and ridiculous but... I think it could honestly be a good thing!" I told him getting slightly excited.
Chris giggled, "I cannot say I've ever been courted." Chris said sweetly.
"Well then... I guess it's my duty to court you!" I told him with a wide grin. I was so happy!!!
"But... what happens if I don't return your feelings..." Chris said putting a damper on the moment.
"Well then... I cannot say I didn't try." I replied softly.
"Yea, I guess you can't..." Chris said with a smile.
"Well... since we have so much time to kill... why don't we go inside and get to know each other on a more personal level." I said smiling at Chris. I stood up and held out my hand for Chris to take, and when he took it I helped him up. I led him towards the door and I held it open for him like the proper southern gentleman that I am.
I led Chris into Kayla's living room and told him to take a seat while I went and got us something to drink. I went to the kitchen and poured us both some coke... and popped some popcorn in the microwave to munch on.
When I went back to the living room I noticed Chris was curled up on the couch with a pillow clutched in his arms and his eyes closed. I smiled he looked like such an angel. I wanted to touch him, but I knew I would have to earn that right. "Chris?" I said softly in case he really was asleep.
Chris' eyes popped open and he smiled at me "Hey..." He said kind of shyly.
"hey.." I returned and handed him the coke. I went to take the chair beside the couch but Chris patted the sofa cushion beside him. So I sat down with my back leaning again the armrest and smiled at Chris.
We sat in a kind of silence for awhile it wasn't uncomfortable, just cozy kind of. We both didn't know what to say... I have to admit it was a odd situation to be in.
"Soo... did you think the concert went over well?" I asked him trying to get the conversation going.
"Yea, but my shoulders hurt, and I don't know why!" He said with a smile and rubbed his shoulder for effect.
"I can give really good massages..." I sort of offered. It was a true fact too. One day the massage therapy person who helped us after the concerts was telling me how to do a good massage to get the kinks out of shoulders. I had used the technique at different times and I was told that it was exceptional.
Chris smiled slyly at me. "Would you give me a massage Lance." He asked sweetly. How could I resist!
I told Chris to turn around and move between my legs. Which he did without a fuss. I started to give him the best massage I knew how, but it was awkward with his sweater on and I certainly didn't want to ask him to remove it. So I did my best. Then Chris told me to stop and moved up and pulled off his shirt with one smooth move and then settled back against me. I almost had a heart attack, act cool Lance... calm your hormones down!!! Think... Britney Spears in a bikini. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW that immediately quieted down what was coming up. I don't know how anyone could like Britney. I personally thought she was a no talent singer who would be better off at a cheap strip joint. Anyway... I was getting off track.
I went back to massaging Chris' shoulders. He had such smooth skin... it was so soft... I wanted to kiss his shoulders. I resisted though, and just massaged his shoulders. He was making little noises of pleasure so I knew he was enjoying my massage. After about 15minutes my hands started to cramp and I told him I had to stop.
"Aww... ok Lance" He said and turned around to look at me. "Thanks lance... I feel so much better now..." He said shyly.
"No problem Chris, anything for you." I said smiling at him. "Do you want to watch a movie?" I asked him quietly enjoying the relaxed mood.
"Sure, what movies did you pick up?" Chris asked.
"Ummm... I rented The Haunting, and Stir of Echo's." I told Chris, I loved horror/suspense movies, and so did Chris.
"Ooo!! The Haunting!!' He said excitedly.
I got Chris to move and I went over to the V.C.R and popped the movie in and turned on all the surround sound. I settled back down on the couch and smiled at Chris. He smiled back and did an unexpected thing. He settled back against my chest like he had been doing when I had given him a massage.
"Umm... Chris you don't have to sit like that if you don't want to..." I said softly.
"No Lance I want too... if you don't mind." Chris said looking at me with a shy smile.
"You kiddin me? No Chris I don't mind at all." I said and lightly looped my arms around Chris' waist and we settled back to watch the movie.
We must have fallen asleep because I remember waking up sometime in the middle of the night with a warm body pressed against me, and the TV hissing loudly. I reached over for the remote control, which was just in my reach and switched off the TV. There was an afagan hanging over the back of the couch and I pulled it over Chris and I. I gently kissed the top of Chris' head and ran my fingertip down his cheek. I couldn't see his face, but if I could have... I would have saw the contented smile.