Legend: Thoughts = <>
Stray thoughts = ()
Ok, guys, All the disclaimers apply, that means all thanks goes to Marvel for the X-Men, I'm just making the story. And I do read all the other stories, and they're great, keep up the good work. They inspire me!
Chapter 19: Truth
After the first few days, became quite aware that people were had gone from "woohoo!" Pane to "Aww Poor" Pane in a matter of days. It was starting to get on my freakin nerves! It had been a couple of days and I still couldn't wrap my mind around the whole " Scott making out with someone other than me" thing. Go figure. I went to Scott's room to get my stuff and I was almost done before he showed up.
" I love you." he said, leaning against the doorway.
I grabbed a shirt from the drawer, " Love should have kept your tongue in your mouth." I snapped.
" I...I don't know what to say to that. I didn't mean to." he said dangerously.
I turned to him, " So YOu JUST SLIPPED AND FELL ON HIS...Tongue?!" I asked.
Scott looked at me, then crossed the room to me. I flinched and moved away, " No, that's not...it was like I could see what I was doing but I couldn't..." he started, but I cut him off.
" I'm sick of that excuse. Give me another one." I said, disgusted.
" What?" he asked in disbelief.
" Say anything but that. Say that he forced you...say that you were drunk. Hell, say that you were trying to make me jealous, but don't pull that crap on me. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice..." I trailed off, trying to fight the desire to kick his ass.
" I'm not kidding." He said seriously.
I nodded and kissed him, " Goodbye." I said, pushing him out and telekinetically slamming the door in his face.
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After I had gotten the rest of my stuff, I walked away from the room feeling worse than when I went into it. I cried and there were kids everywhere in the hall, even though it was late. I couldn't take the stares anymore, so I slipped out of sight, into an empty classroom, but immediately saw someone move in the darkness.
I realized immediately who it was, " Sorry...Piotr." I said, wiping my tears.
Piotr turned to me, " Oh...um...I...Sorry, comrade. The other day, I had...Sorry." he said, his accent pressing hard on every syllable, " Are you okay?" he said, noticing my tears.
I nodded.
Piotr (Ok, don't think about it....)
" You're broadcasting." I said weakly.
I moved closer and noticed that he had a noticeable bulge and I stopped in my tracks.
" You want me, huh?" I said, shocked.
Piotr was obviously embarrassed, " Very Sorry, I tried not to..." he stuttered.
I stepped closer and now we were face to face. I thought back to the last couple of days and I felt so unwanted and empty, until now.
" You really want me?" I asked.
Without hesitation, he grabbed me and kissed me, laying me across the table. And without another word, we had sex right there on the desk.
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After the encounter, I went back to my room and sat on the bed, tears in my eyes. What was going on?! There was a knock on my door, then it opened. It was Bobby. He said nothing, he just held me tight the whole night. I woke up in Bobby's arms. It was so comfortable, like it was meant to be. I was terrified, I mean I'd been with Scott since I started going to the institute. I was remembering what Piotr and I had done and how wrong it was for me to do it with him, knowing that it was all just sex.
" What did I do?" I asked myself, walking across the room to the window.
" What?" Bobby asked groggily, " What time is it?"
I looked down at my watch, " 6:45" I answered.
Bobby closed his eyes and laid back, " Come back to bed." he said.
I walked back to the bed and snuggled up to him, but wait, this is wrong. Do friends do this? I fell asleep with that thought echoing in my mind.
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My alarm woke us up at 7:30.
Bobby grunted at the clock and smiled down at me, " So are you gonna be ok when I leave and he shows up?" he asked.
I hugged him, " Thanks, you're my best friend. I'll be okay, I think. see you at breakfast." I smiled.
I smiled at him to make him worry less, then he left and I slumped back into bed. After a few dozen hour I finally got back up and took a very hot shower, I washed and washed (Trying to wash away the filth of my disgressions.) until I heard a voice and saw a shadow.
" We need to talk, bub." Logan said from behind the door.
" I'm not...I don't have time for this!" I said impatiently.
I turned off the shower and walked past him into the next room. Logan walked to me from my bathroom.
" Look, I don't wanna fight, me and One eye never had those...uh...feelings for each other. It was weird." He said, contemplating something.
" Ok, get out!" I screamed, " You want to know the truth?! I don't care anymore! It's not my problem."
Logan said nothing and just left, with people staring from the hall.
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During all the commotion, I'd forgotten that our team had the day off. I went downstairs, through the hall in just enough time to bump into Piotr.
" Piotr." I said, surprised, " Um....hi, how're you?"
Piotr (Like you care.)
" What?" I asked.
Piotr ( Oh crap, he can hear me!)
" Yeah! Yes...he can." I said loudly.
Pane
Piotr <Then why did you leave so fast?>
Pane < I'm scared, Piotr. I don't want to go through...You're just separated from Kitty and...>
Piotr < No! We are divorced, have been for a while. We have been trying to reconcile, but nothing. I have liked you since we met. You are perfect.>
My heart sank, did he mean it? Before I could even think, Bobby popped up out of nowhere.
Bobby stared at Piotr for a minute, " Is everything alright? Is there a problem?" he said defensively.
There they were, eye to eye, about to kick each other's ass and I couldn't be more turned on. With a certain reluctance, I broke it up, " Don't." I said.
Piotr just walked away and Bobby turned to me, " What was that all about?" he asked.
I shrugged.
Piotr < Is he the one you want?>
Pane < I don't know.> I sent, following Bobby.
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I walked with Bobby to dinner, but as we neared I began to walk slowly
" What?" Bobby asked.
" Nothing." I said quickly.
He turned and continued to walk, then stopped when he didn't hear my feet moving.
" You see those feety things, they help you move." he joked, " I know when something is wrong.
" How would you know that...?" I asked.
" I feel what you feel." he said.
I stared at him.
" ...We're friends. Best friends and I know you and Scott have been...look, let's just say that when you see him, you'll turn to dust. Then what? You gonna avoid him forever?" he asked with confidence.
I shook my head, " Not forever, just until I'm old enough to leave. There are worse things." I said quickly.
Bobby hugged me," That's what I'm saying. See, you do listen." He said jokingly. I laughed and followed him through the door, trying to flash the brightest smile I could muster and it was working until I passed the staff table. As I passed, Scott had a sour look on his face, which turned into a puppy dog look when he saw me and Logan's face went so far into the plate, I thought he was going to come out the bottom of the table. I looked away and saw the rest of the table waving, so I waved back, then continued to the table with the group. When I got to the table, conversation stopped and I felt like a cancer patient.
Jubilee <Are you okay? I'd freak...>
Pane < You'd freak? Your cheating on Sam with Ray and you'd freak? And since when do you care? in the Danger Room and for the last couple of days you've completely ignored me!>
Jubilee < Look, I'm sorry, but that's a bit harsh.>
Pane < No worries, I'm all but unforgiving.>
Jubilee < You wanna talk about it?>
Pane < It hurts. Not sure I'm up to talking about it.>
She nodded and Sam nudged her, " What are you talking about?" he asked.
Jubilee punched his shoulder, " Nonya!" she smiled.
I sat down beside Amara and Sira and looked around at them. Ray seemed to be staring at Jubilee and Sam, who were flirting intensely. I wondered what it was like to cheat, to not be honest in that way. I was looking at Jubilee and Ray in a totally different way now. I snapped out of my thought at the topic, " What's Britney Spear's next move in not keeping her kids.".
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After an hour of talking and eating, I left the cafeteria and went into Piotr's room. I knocked and stood waiting for him to answer. I thought about what I'd do if he answered the door. Would I sleep with him? Would I tell him what I did earlier? The question swam through me mind until I heard someone bumping around in the room, then he answered.
" Hello." then he laid his eyes on me, " What is it, Pane?"
I didn't wait for him to say anything before I kissed him! We fell back onto his floor and I rubbed his chest and felt his nipples get stiff. I climbed on top of him and straddled his chest, still kissing him. He ran his hand down my back and into my pants, rubbing my ass. I looked into his eyes and I saw myself, but I didn't like that 'me'. I ignored the reflection and kissed him, unbuttoning my pants and licking at his neck.
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Afer we finished, I laid on his chest. He fell asleep, but I lay awake in his arms thinking that maybe I did love him...maybe I was using him. Before I myself think about too much, I shot up and quickly dressed myself and eased out of the room. I slowly shut the door and turned to see Scott staring at me. He looked from me to the door and back at me in realization. I rolled my eyes and walked in the opposite direction, but he grabbed my arm and twirled me around.
Scott's face was irate, " Did...Are you sleeping with him!" he asked angrily. I looked down at the floor and he took that as a yes, " I love you and you're sleeping with Piotr...that's great."
I looked at him in confusion, " oh, right, you can kiss and do whatever to Logan..." I said angrily.
" It was just a kiss and I don't know where it came from." he said nervously.
" Whatever! You did it when we were together, I'm single and I can't sleep with whoever I want?" I asked.
" You slept with Piotr?" he asked.
" I can't sleep with other people?" I asked once more.
" You're just using him and it's wrong." he said quickly, " You can't even say his name." he said with a note with smugness.
" STOP! It's not fair for you to say that. Are you in my head and do you feel what I feel? Do you even know how much you hurt me?! I've cried...I've moped, but I'm not gonna explain something to you that you have no right in asking!" I said letting every emotion I felt seep out in my tone.
Scott looked at me with a surprising anger, " And it didn't hurt me when you were with Bobby?" he asked.
I rolled me, " I love you...or at least I did and Bobby is my friend! ( I pointed back at Piotr's room) and he is my friend..." I said quietly.
" You can't even say his name." Scott chuckled angrily, " If that's how you treat friends, remind me to make that list." he snapped.
I was about to say something, but I noticed Piotr. He looked Scott over, then looked at me, " Is there a problem?" he asked.
" Stay out of this, Piotr." Scott said, throwing him a dangerous look.
The Brotherhood was now watching from a distance, chuckling at us. For just a moment, I got lost in those thoughts. They were laughing. I was a joke. How did I get to this point?! I felt like a slut...or worse. What's worse than a slut? A Pane. That would surely catch on. While I was looking at the Brotherhood and in deep thought, Scott and Piotr began fighting and I rushed to seperate them. I sent both flying in opposite directions.
" You both are way too old for this! Scott you cheated and hurt me and Piotr as much as I love you, I'm not in love with you. I think I love someone else." I said, no longer able to look either one in the eye.
" You used me?" Piotr asked sadly.
" I'm sorry, but you didn't seem to mind." I snapped. He looked at me with hurt and confusion, " I'm sorry. I love you, just not in love."
Piotr < Bobby, huh.>
Pane < I wouldn't take it back...any of it.>
Piotr smiled, then turned and went back to his room, slamming the door quickly.
Scott stared at me, " We're not done." he said sternly.
" I can't keep doing this. We need a break. I'm affecting you. I heard the stories of fearless Scott and you're not him. You're bending to me and I want you to be you." I said sadly.
" So, this isn't just about 'the kiss'? What's the truth?" he asked.
" No." I said simply, " Truth is, I don't know who you are. This 'you' isn't you. And this 'me' isn't me."
" Do we have any chance in getting back together?" he asked.
" Not now." I said, turning and walking away. I could feel his heart break. Maybe it was my heart, so much emotion, I couldn't tell. After looking for Bobby, I walked to my room and figured that truth needed to be said. I had already started, but I had one more big secret that needed to be revealed. I had been keeping it to myself, the doubts, the sadness, the feeling that I hadn't quite felt like me. What with me dying, the Phoenix, Johnny...Scott. I felt like this thing walking around wasn't me. I feel like I died in that temple and the truth is I wished I'd died. It's so painful to just be here. The only way I could feel better in any way is to find Bobby and tell him the truth. I opened my door and immediately noticed Bobby sitting on my bed, crying. As I entered, he noticed me.
" My mom died." he said, sobbing into his hands.
I didn't say anything. this 19 year-old, who'd helped me and whom I was in love with was motherless. I knelt beside him and hugged him.
" Will you go with..." he asked.
" Yes." I said without a thought. He raised his head so that we were eye to eye, then he leaned in and kissed me. I figured he'd just want me to be there and I would be.