Year in the Life

This is a work of fiction (Wink-Wink). The names have been changed to protect the innocent (Nudge-Nudge). As always, this story is intended for an adult audience interested in Gay erotic literature. If you are not of legal age--that's eighteen in the US--or are offended by depictions of homosexuality or what homosexuals do when you're not around, then I strongly suggest that you find another place to surf. Offence ain't given if it ain't taken. This story remains the property of the author and may not be reprinted or reposted in part or in whole without my permission. If you'd like to contact me, email me at soqueer@hotmail.com or soqueer@exite.com . Warning: I answer email. If you do not want to receive a reply, please say so in your email.

Love and a wet kiss, Andy Deyo (SoQueer).

Note to the reader: There has been some concern that this is a "Bi" story. It isn't. It's about a sixteen-year-old coming to terms with his homosexuality. Be patient with me. A guy gets him in the end.

A Year in the Life Chapter Two

And school ended for another year! Summer vacation went the way it's always gone: Too fast. I spent most of my time mowing yards and swimming. Every Friday night I could I took Beth out either alone or on a double date. As the summer passed, we started spending more and more time double-dating. Beth and Julie had been friends since they were in diapers, and Julie's new love interest, Paul, had moved to town the first week in June. Paul and I hit it off right from the start.

At first, I was nervous about going on make-out sessions with another couple along. It seemed sort of strange to be getting all hot and bothered with my date while a guy in the back seat was getting in heavy with his date. The more I got to know Paul, though, the less the thought bothered me. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I found the idea intriguing. The last Friday before school started back, I finally got up my nerve and suggested we go to M & M's the local parking spot to see if we could fog up the windows.

M & M's is an old, abandoned farm house where some of the guys meet to party from time to time. It's at the end of an old field-road that's seldom used after dark except by people looking for a little privacy. The conversation grew quiet as we drove down the red-clay roads towards the secluded spot. Paul and Julie were talking low to themselves. Paul's voice was little more than a low rumble. From time to time I could hear what sounded like kissing, and then the soft, low tones of his voice would start up again and echoed through my torso. The closer we got to our destination, the more butterflies danced in my stomach.

I pulled Beth close to me, and she put her hand on the inside of my thigh. She snuggled up even closer to me and started nibbling on my ear. I pulled the car up behind the old house and switched the engine off. The sounds in the back seat grew heavier. I turned and put my arms around Beth and pulled her mouth to mine.

I noticed that if I held her just right, I could see Paul and Julie out of the corner of my eye. Paul had one arm wrapped around Julie's waist, and his other hand was gently rubbing her breast. Julie had one arm around his neck, and her other hand was playing with his crotch. Paul obviously liked what she was doing, because from time to time he lifted his hips up and pushed his bulging crotch against her hand.

Beth pulled back from me. "Turn around and put your back against the door," she told me. I slipped in under her and leaned up against the passenger's door. Paul and Julie stopped what they were doing and watched us reposition. I straightened my legs out and put them up on the seat. Beth straddled my thighs and sat down facing me. She bent down and kissed me again. Before long, Paul and Julie assumed the same position with Paul's back to the opposite side of the car. Paul and I had a clear view of each other.

Beth began a slow rocking motion with her hips. She slowly ground herself against my growing erection. I reached up and started fondling her breasts through her blouse, but my mind was on what was happening in the back seat. Julie wore a skirt that night, and she had it spread out over Paul's lap. Even in the dim light I could tell that Paul's pants were down around his hips. He started moaning softly as she rode up and down on his shaft. My whole body began quivering when I realized he was actually fucking her right there with me watching. The bulge in my crotch strained to get free. I thought I was going to explode. I looked up at Paul's face, and he was looking straight at me. I quickly looked away, but each time I glanced back at him, I could see he was still watching me. Each time I looked back, it took me longer to look away. I could see his eyes sparkling in the dark. He was chewing on his lower lip, and it looked like he was close to shooting his load.

Beth nibbled on my ear again. I started humping into her harder and harder, matching my thrusts with the movements in the back seat. Each time Paul thrust his hips up, I thrust my hips up. Both girls were moaning, but Paul and I were silently watching each other as if we were the only two in the car. I had long since stopped bothering to look away, and I could tell Paul was as focused on me as I was on him. My heart was beating so hard! I could feel the blood coursing through my body, and it seemed like every fluid in me from my tits down was gathering in my balls to explode out the head of my throbbing cock.

Paul's mouth was moving, but no words were coming out. Even so, I knew what he was saying: "Fuck me! Yeah, fuck me!" It was too much. I pulled Beth tight against me and kissed her harder than I ever had before. It may have been her face in front of me, but in my mind, I was kissing Paul's lips. My mind was screaming, and my body shook with the forbidden thrill of it. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss Paul. I wanted to push my body up against his and run my tongue down his throat. I wanted to hear him say those words to me: "Fuck me, yeah, fuck me!"

No one spoke. I don't know how much time went by before I opened my eyes. I looked back at Paul, but he was looking the other way. I felt the blood rush to my face, and I was thankful that the full moon had passed behind a cloud. My mind was all jumbled up. I tried to tell myself that it hadn't happened, that I hadn't felt what I had felt, but it was no use. Paul was right there. His pants were still down around his knees, and the sticky-wet warmth in my underwear gave clear testimony to how excited I'd been. I couldn't deny what I'd felt what I'd longed to do just moments before. The images were just too fresh in my mind.

"I gotta go take a leak," I whispered in Beth's ear. I pulled myself out from under her and got out of the car. The full moon was hanging low in the night sky, and I watched it make its way through the trees as I walked off to the other side of the house. I undid my pants, took out my cock, and let the stream flow. Off in the distance I heard a chuck-will's-widow sound it's call, and I let my mind go blank. I stood there for several minutes, my soft dick in my hand, looking up at the stars without a single thought in my head and listening to the lonely call of a bird in the dark.

I did my fly up and leaned against the old house. "What the hell just happened?" I asked myself in a whisper. "What's wrong with me? Shit!" I started pounding the back of my head against the house but stopped when I heard a rustling sound off to my left. I could just make out Paul standing there, his back to me, taking a leak. I waited until I thought he'd finished, and I walked over to him.

"So," I said when he turned around to see who was walking toward him, "what do you think of M & M's?" I wanted to touch him. I wanted to see if he'd let me.

"It's all right, I guess," Paul replied. His eyes avoided me. He acted nervous. "We'd better get back to the girls."

"Yeah," I answered, and for the hell of it, I said, "We don't want them to think we're up to sumpthin'."

Paul hardly said two words all the way back to town. Beth was all 'touchy-feely' and it was proving a real turn-off for me. I dropped Paul and Julie off at Paul's house and headed over to Beth's. I pulled the car in her driveway and put the car in park.

"I had a good time tonight, Mark," she said in her soft voice. She sat there with her lips slightly parted, and I knew she expected me to kiss her.

I gave her a slight peck on the lips and smiled at her. "Thanks. So did I"

"You know," she said with her eyes lowered, "if you'd ever like to go a little further, I wouldn't mind."

"What do you mean?"

"You know!" She said, rolling her eyes. "Go all the way. Like Julie and Paul did tonight."

"We'll see."

"You don't want to?" She asked, pulling away from me.

What could I say? That I'd rather do it with a guy instead? "Well, yeah, I guess. I just don't think of you that way, that's all."

"Oh?" She asked crossing her arms. "And just HOW do you think of me?"

"I mean I respect you!"

"Are you saying Paul doesn't respect Julie?"

"No! That's not what I'm saying." This was getting rough. I had been trying to get her to this point for the last six months, and now that it was finally here all I could think about was the guy who'd just fucked the brains out of her best friend. "I want it to be special, that's all. I'm not in any hurry. Let's just take it one date at a time, O. K.?"

"Fine!" She said and she got out of the car. "Goodnight."

Beth slammed the car door before I could answer her. I sat in the drive and watched as she went inside. Five minutes later I backed out of the driveway and pealed off on my way back home.

That night I barely slept. I couldn't stop thinking, and my dick refused to lie down and behave. I forced the events of the last few hours out of my head, and I finally drifted off to sleep.

I was standing on the catwalk at school. A hand was caressing me. I put my arms around a strong, hard body and kissed a bare neck. My cock felt three feet long, and the fingers of the exploring hand deftly played along the entire length of it. I looked up and saw Beth leaning seductively against a post on the opposite side of the catwalk. The hand continued to squeeze and caress my groin, sometimes exploring the length of my erection, and sometimes reaching down to fondle my aching balls. I felt my passion burning deep inside me, and I began to run my hands along the smooth form in front of me, my mouth licking and nibbling on first one ear and then the other. I heard a moan escape my lips, and I pulled my lover even closer to me. I began humping and grinding my swollen shaft against the hot flesh in front of me. I felt the head of my dick slip between two hot cheeks and then penetrate the tight sphincter. Deeper and deeper I plunged, my hips bucking and grinding with a will of their own. As I shot my load I looked up and saw Beth still standing against the pole look up and winking at me. I spun the person in front of me around and saw The Perv's face.

I awoke with a start and looked at the clock. It was 5:30, and I was drenched in sweat. I got up and went to the bathroom and then climbed back into bed. Soon I was drifting back off to sleep.

I was in the locker room. Every shower in the building must have been running because steam filled the room. I could hear voices deep, male voices echoing in the distance. I walked through the forest of lockers into the showers and saw hundreds of naked guys lining both walls, the hot water from the showerheads flowing over their taught, muscular bodies. I went over to the only empty showerhead and started lathering myself down. I looked around, and there stood The Perv next to me with a bar of soap in his hand. He spun me around and started soaping down my back. The other guys saw what he was doing and started hooting and hollering. I tried to make him stop, but he kept running his slick, soapy hands all over my body. He reached down and squeezed my erection. I tried to pull away from him, but my actions only pushed his hand all the way up my swollen shaft. I backed up in response, but not only did it pull his hand down the length of my pulsating shaft, it also ground my ass against his throbbing hard-on. I squirmed against him, trying to slip out of his grip, but the soap and hot water only made me slide against his hot, muscled body. His hardness seemed everywhere at once, and I felt my knees go weak. I melted into him and let his arms hold me up. We were outside now, and the crowd was pushing him into me. I could feel his hot, naked cock sliding up and down between my ass cheeks. I threw my head back and felt his teeth grab my earlobe. The crowd pushed harder and harder. His hand squeezed tighter and tighter. My cock exploded . . .

I opened my eyes. It was light in the room, and my dancing erection was still pouring out its load on my belly. I lay there staring mindlessly at the ceiling for at least an hour before I started crying.

A Year in the Life Chapter Three

I always get excited when school starts back. I love summer vacation, but there's something about going back that gets me hyped up. Monday morning dawned bright and clear, and I was up and dressed twenty minutes before my alarm sounded.

"Well look at you!" My mother exclaimed as I bounded down the stairs. "Don't you look on top of the world?"

"Gotta make a good impression," I piped. "You don't want folks to think you're not a good mother, do you?"

Mom shot me a dirty look and popped me with the kitchen towel she was holding. "I'm a great mother. You're just a lousy kid."

"I'll bet you say that to all your favorites," I shot back with a grin. I popped a piece of bacon in my mouth and poured myself a cup of coffee. "Can I drive the car today?"

"Oh sure! First you insult me, and then you hit me up for a favor!"

I leaned back on the counter next to where she stood cooking a pot of grits. Mom and I have always gotten along well, and I enjoy teasing her. "Did Dad get in last night?"

"Yes," she answered quietly. They'd had a fight just before he left on business two weeks earlier, and I got the impression she wasn't all that excited about his being home. Things had been strained between them every since my brother left for college. "He's upstairs asleep. Don't wake him."

"OK." I popped another piece of bacon in my mouth. My mother isn't the best of cooks, but I was hungry. "So! Can I have the car?"

"I suppose so. I'm too lax on you, you know! You're spoiled rotten."

"I prefer to think of myself as overripe, thank you."

"You're incorrigible is what you are. Get yourself a plate and help me eat all this food."

I swung by Beth's house and picked her up. She was quiet, but then, she isn't a morning person so I couldn't tell if it was from a lack of sleep or some lingering resentment. I didn't push the issue. We drove over to Julie's and then to Paul's and picked them up, too. No one said much on the way to school. Each time I looked at Paul in the rearview mirror I'd see him look away. It made me feel uneasy, and I didn't know if it was because every time I looked at him I caught him looking at me or if it was because each time I looked at him he looked away.

"You guys going to the game Friday night?" I asked, looking back at Julie.

"I-uh-I can't go," Paul stammered. "I'm-uh-on restriction. I can't go." Julie stared hard at him. I could tell by the expression on her face that this was the first she had heard of it.

I looked over at Beth. She hadn't looked at me since she got in the car. "What about you?" I asked. "Wanna go to the game Friday night?"

"We'll see," she answered in a snide tone.

The next few weeks were hell. Beth gave me the cold shoulder most of the time. Paul avoided me like I had the plague. I got into an argument with my old man Tuesday night and lost all privileges for the next six weeks for my efforts. To top it all off, I spent most of Wednesday and Thursday looking for The Perv only to learn that he'd moved out of state. I felt like I'd lost every friend I'd ever had. What a way to start out a new school year!

By early October things were pretty well smoothed over with Beth. She'd changed, though. Her kisses were more aggressive, and she'd taken to playing with the zipper on my pants and pinching my ass. Once, she went so far as to pull my zipper all the way down and run her hand up inside my pants while we were standing in line in the lunchroom. It scared the hell out of me. We still hadn't fucked, but Beth made it more than plain that she was more than ready and getting a little impatient. I had to really stretch my imagination to keep from giving anything away while putting her off.

Paul started acting normal around me again. I made myself not look at him. I did every thing I could not to act funny toward him or make any comments that might have a double meaning. I told myself it was over, and that I'd never do that sort of stuff again. The four of us had started going out again, but I hadn't suggested any more joint make-out sessions.

Homecoming weekend was at hand before we knew it. I made plans to go out with Beth to the big game and the dance that followed. In South Georgia, the only dance that's more important than the Homecoming Ball is the Junior-Senior Prom. To my surprise, Paul made the suggestion that we make it a foursome. I agreed, and we arranged to pick up the girls at Beth's house around six.

I was nervous when I pulled up at Paul's. I got there a half hour early, but I was certain he'd be ready. I got the shock of my life when he answered the front door in his underwear. "Man!" He exclaimed. "You're early."

"Sorry," I mumbled. "Hope you don't mind."

"Not at all. Come in." I followed him in. I'd never been in Paul's house before. "My parents aren't home. You want a beer?"

"Sure!"

Paul went into the kitchen, brought back a couple of brews, and plopped down in the chair across from me. He popped the top on his and downed about half of it in one swig. I tried to do the same, but I don't drink much. I ended up spilling most of it down my shirt.

"Damn, Man! Don't wear it!"

"Shit! Now I'll have to go back home and change."

"Don't sweat it," Paul said. "You and I are about the same size. I'll let you borrow one of my shirts."

"You don't mind?" I asked.

"Not at all. Peal out of that wet shirt, and let's go get you cleaned off."

I stood up and stripped out of the wet shirt. I still had a good tan left over from last summer, and all that yard work showed in my chest and arms. Paul didn't move. He sat there staring at my chest. His breathing was suddenly very slow and shallow. Seeing him there in his briefs and a T-shirt looking at my naked torso was getting to me. I felt myself flush with desire. Paul was turning me on.

"Uh, where's the bathroom?" I asked. I had to change the scene fast or he'd see I was getting an erection.

Paul blushed. There was a noticeable change in the size of the bulge in his BVD'S' when he stood up. "It's-uh-this way. Follow me."

I tried not to notice the way the hem of his T-shirt was hiked up in the back or the way his ass moved as he walked, but it was no use. I was mesmerized. Paul had a good body, and I was captivated by his broad shoulders and narrow waist. The insides of his thighs were hairier than the rest of his legs, and despite the dark hair on his head, the hair on his legs was almost blond.

My cock was fully erect by the time we reached his bedroom. There was no hiding it. I tried to cover myself with my hands, but there's not much you can do to hide that large of a lump without it being obvious what you're doing. Thankfully, Paul kept his back to me and pointed to the bathroom.

I closed the door behind me and looked down at the mound extending off to my left. "What the hell am I going to do with you?" I whispered to it. "That's a guy in there. You're not supposed to do this over a guy!" I reached down and gave myself a squeeze. Damn! It felt good. I undid my pants and let them fall to the floor. My hand wrapped around my cock without the slightest hesitation and started pumping up and down as hard as it could.

My thoughts went back to Paul's legs. I imagined my hands running up and down their length. I wanted to feel the muscles in his thighs and play with the ever-thickening hair running up to his ass. I wanted to nibble on the hairs protruding out of the legs of his underwear. I wanted to smell him, and feel the heat building up inside him. I-I- "Uh!" I shouted as I shot my load. I shot my sperm all over the lavatory and mirror. My hand squeezed every drop it could out of my cock, and soon the floor was a mess, too. It looked like I had shot a gallon of jism all over the place.

I grabbed a washrag and ran some hot water over it. I cleaned myself up and then tried to clean up the mess I'd sprayed all over the place. I pulled my pants up and arranged myself as best I could. "Damn" I said to myself. "This has GOT to stop."

I turned to open the door, but I stopped when I heard a moan from the other side. I'd heard that sound before. I knew what Paul was doing. He was jacking off, too. I sat down on the toilet to give him time to finish. My mind was racing almost as fast as my heart. It wasn't just me. Paul felt it, too. What the hell was I going to do?

After five minutes or so I opened the door and went out to face whatever would happen. Paul was pulling up his pants, but he was not fast enough for me to miss the still sizable erection straining against the thin material of his cotton briefs. "He must have just finished," I told myself.

Paul fastened his pants and pulled up the zipper. "You got any preferences on that shirt, Man?" he asked me.

"It doesn't matter," I answered. He threw me a knit pullover, and I slipped it on. His smell was all over it. My head was spinning. "How do I look?"

"Careful there, My Man," he said with a wink. "You might make me go queer over you."

We both laughed even though we both knew it was no joke. I knew then and there that next time we'd do more than jack off on opposite sides of a closed door.

Boston, Georgia, isn't a very large place, so it didn't take Paul and I long to pick up Beth and Julie. They looked ravishing, but neither of them could draw my attention away from Paul. I pulled out on the highway, and we started the twelve-mile journey to Thomasville. Paul dominated the conversation all the way to the restaurant. I spent more time watching him in the rearview mirror than I did watching the road. I could feel Beth steaming next to me, but at that point I really didn't care. My mind was still focused on the moan I'd heard through the bathroom door. From the look in Paul's eyes, I'd say his thoughts weren't far from the subject, either. When you're sixteen, though, your thoughts are seldom far from sex.

The restaurant wasn't crowded when we arrived. The waitress showed us to a booth. "OK guys," she said in her nasal voice, "one couple on either side."

Paul looked at me and grinned. He pulled me down in the seat next to him and put his arm around me. "We're gay," he said.

Julie's eyes flashed fire. Not missing a beat, Beth looked straight at the waitress and said, "They wouldn't be with me if they were!"

I couldn't think. Paul's hand was still on my shoulder, and his arm was burning into my back. I had an instant erection. I couldn't possibly stand up, but sitting there so close to Paul especially after his remark--was unthinkable. I grabbed a napkin and held it in front of me as I stood up and hoped no one would notice. Julie slid into the seat next to Paul and I slid in the opposite seat next to Beth. I thought I'd gotten away with it until I went to sit down. Paul's eyes were locked dead on my crotch. He saw the full extent of my erection. His eyes were suddenly very dark, and he was blushing deeply. I somehow knew that he, too, was sporting an erection every bit as hard as my own.

"Did you see the look on her face?" Beth asked when the waitress had gone. We all burst out laughing.

"I think she believed you," Julie answered.

"Why shouldn't she?" I asked. "Paul's too cute to be straight!"

Once again, everyone laughed. Paul kept looking at me and grinning. My cock had redoubled its efforts to burst free from my pants. I was so hard it hurt. I had to force myself not to look at him.

To my horror, Beth put her hand in my lap. She turned and looked at me with a surprised expression on her face but said nothing. I felt my face blush. There was no hiding my state of excitement. She'd touched my hard-on through my pants too many times to be mistaken about what she felt now. I was fully aroused, and she knew it.

"Are you two playing pocket pool again?" Julie asked.

Paul's eyes dropped and his smile faded. It was his turn to blush now.

"Young love," I said with a laugh. Beth pulled her hand back and said nothing. Paul flashed his eyes up at me, but I couldn't read them. Julie had a puzzled look on her face. And I, well, I just sat there and listened to my world come crashing down around my ears.

The game was great. Central won by a landslide, and the band at the dance after the game was first rate. We danced hard until nearly midnight, when Julie suggested we head for home. We were nearly there when she suggested we go out to M & M's. I looked at Beth, hoping she'd say no.

She looked at me and smiled. "I've been hoping SOMEONE would suggest that all evening."

"You only had to ask," I replied. I was so nervous I could barely drive. "Anything for the Queen of my heart."

"I'm going to hold you to that, Big Boy," she said, and she gave my crotch a squeeze. My heart sank down to the floorboards.

The moon was full again that night. The cotton fields around the old farm house were already picked and mowed down. We had a clear view all the way down to Aucilla Creek. It was a warm, beautiful fall night.

I pulled the car up to my favorite spot and switched off the engine. Beth pulled off her blouse and threw it in the floor. More out of instinct than desire, I helped her unclasp her bra. I couldn't help comparing her chest to Paul's. Given the choice, I'd rather have had Paul's, and it was tearing me up inside.

"You two gonna get naked?" I heard Paul ask.

"Sure," Beth answered. "Why not?." She reached over and pulled Paul's shirt off my back. I fought down the urge to snatch it back from her. I'd never felt so naked in my life. I couldn't think of a way out of the situation, so I decided it was best to play along. I kicked off my shoes and pulled my pants and underwear off. Beth followed suit, and I took the opportunity to glance in the back seat.

Julie was pulling off her sweater, but Paul was sitting there with a frozen expression on his face. Julie reached over and kissed him and then unbuttoned his shirt. I got a glimpse of his beautiful nipples just before I turned around. My mind etched every inch of his bare skin into my memory.

The sight of Paul's chest had its desired effect. I started getting hard. In shuffling around to get into a comfortable position, I took every opportunity to steal a glance at Paul's body. Each time I touched Beth I dreamed it was Paul I was touching. To my astonishment, I not only got an erection, but I was harder than at our prvious make-out sessions.

Once again, Paul and Julie positioned themselves on opposite sides of the car. I felt my cock slide up into Beth's body, but I dreamed it was Paul I was holding. She started rocking back and forth. I kept my eyes on Paul's face. Beth was whimpering and moaning. Paul, though, was quiet. Julie, too, was starting to cry out, and I could feel the car rock back and fourth from their movements.

At last Paul looked at me. Julie was kissing him all over his face, so from time to time I couldn't see him. He made none of his usual sounds. I was overcome with the need to touch him. I through caution to the wind and put my arm over the seat. My hand found his ankle, and I began playing with the hair on his leg. It was the most incredible thing I'd ever felt. The muscles of his calf were so hard, and yet, his skin was so soft. The hair tickled my palms, and I could feel the sensation all through my body. My hips took on a life of their own, and I began thrusting up to meet Beth's downward plunge. In my mind, it was a beautiful, hairy-legged man riding my pole. I was fucking a man, I told myself. I was fucking Paul.

Paul looked down and saw that it was my hand caressing his leg. His head rocked back and fourth, and from time to time I could see his eyes glittering in the dark each time he looked at me. He picked up his leg and put it up on the back of my seat so that I could reach him better. At last, he started his familiar moaning sounds. Soon, his moans grew into growling. His growls became shouts of, "Fuck me." Julie was no longer riding Paul. She was only trying to hold on. His upward thrusts were pounding into her. From time to time her head banged against the roof. The muscles of his soft, hairy legs flexed and twisted under my hand, and the sensation made shivers run up my spine.

I could feel what he was feeling. I thrust harder into Beth, wishing it was Paul I was riding. I dreamed I was the one he was driving into the roof. Suddenly I exploded into Beth. "Fuck! Oh Man!" I shouted. "Fuck!"

Paul cried out. He shot his hot cum into Julie. Oh how I wished it were me he was giving his precious load to!

I pulled myself free of Beth. I picked up her panties and wiped her off my dick. "I gotta take a piss," I mumbled as I crawled naked from the car. The quicker I got away from them all the better.

I walked naked past the farm house. The warm night air felt refreshing on my bare skin. I sat down on the steps and buried my face in my hands. "Damn!" I whispered to myself. "It ain't going away." I was sitting in the middle of the country butt-ass naked. I'd just fucked a girl for the first time in my life. I was a 'MAN' by every definition of Southern culture. And I felt like shit. No self-deception could erase what had just happened. I may have fucked a woman, but it was a man that I'd made love to.

I heard footsteps approaching. I looked up and saw Paul lumbering toward me. He had pulled his pants on. He came over and sat down next to me.

"You OK, Man?" He asked.

"I don't know," I replied. "I'm just confused."

"You mean about what just happened?" Paul asked softly as he pulled at a blade of grass.

"Yeah."

"Me too."

Paul grew silent. Off in the distance a dog barked. There was something about the remoteness of the sound that echoed through me. I turned and looked at Paul. There was nothing remotely feminine about him. He was all male, and I was attracted to him in a way I'd always been told was wrong. I wanted him in a way I knew I could never want a woman.

"Why don't you ever say my name?" I asked quietly.

"Habit, I guess," he answered. Paul turned and looked at me. His eyes sparkled in the moonlight. "That's not true. I don't let myself say your name."

"Why not?"

Paul put his hand on my bare shoulder. His touch was as soft and gentle as any lover's. "'Cause, I can't say it without saying too many other things." He got up and started walking back toward the car. When he was about ten paces away, he turned around. "We gotta go, Man. The girls sent me after you."

I got up and followed him back to the car. What a screwed-up night, I told myself.

Three weeks later we got out for Christmas Break.