~ You ~
It's Fall.
I say I love the way the sun shines in the end of all afternoons. You smile. What have we been thinking of? I guess I love the way the sun shines upon you. Maybe I just love you... Maybe it's cloudy today and I have not noticed. But who cares? Here we are, nervous and aching to feel each other, but we can't... What time is it? Not time yet... not time... The clock ticks ever so slowly, it tingles inside me as if your eyes were trying to reach me in my warm inside.
We walk side by side on that long avenue, trying to kill time, filling that asphyxiating waiting with smooth innocent words. Are you thinking what I am thinking? Are you feeling the same tingling inside? Can you feel it, when our hands touch slightly and then hide from each other?
Is it time, you ask. Almost. That's my whispered answer.
I can tell you are having the same shameless thoughts... The city lights approach us in our desire, as the moon rises up and the sun gives away. I could swear time is still, but time never stops.
I look at you, walking by my side. You have that way about you... There are no words about you. You cannot be described, as if something stopped the way between you and any word that dares to tell anything about you. It can't be told, you don't know how many words live inside my mind without daring to say that way about you that makes me sigh... The way I love. The way I want you, so bad, in this dampness of myself, on my own body, as this minutes and seconds pass by without a single touch from you unless the touch of your eyes.
I'm in love with that way you have that is superior to any word.
I want to make love to you, but it is not time yet.
We enter a coffee shop, you ask for a bottle water. Ice cold. I ask for tea. It's a warm place, it feels as if Fall lives there, deep inside the walls. There must be a place like this inside you. I wonder how warm is Fall inside yourself. Is it raining? Probably, cause we don't talk anymore, cause silence denounces our aching desire. After all, I don't know anything about words... Not anymore.
It's time! You pay. We leave.
We drive till my place. No one is there, just the night, entering through the windows, through the linen curtains. There is a note near the phone: "I wanted to kiss you goodbye but you never came home so I had to go. Won't be back till Friday night. There is food on the fridge. Call mom if you need something, sleep at Joana's tomorrow! Mom called, she asked you to sleep at her house, it's your choice... Behave! Kisses from dad."
But then again, who cares? So many things to think about, as the world twists and turns around us, but never inside. Never. Only you exist. Only you, on my inside.
Let me look at you, you say. Your words. Your voice. I shiver.
I drop my books and my key, as you touch me. Who cares? When those books are spread around my house, my smell on your fingers, your taste on my mouth... Who cares then, if I am myself or just some other girl? Does mom really cares? No one really knows... No one dares to know. You hold my arms above my head, you hold them tight, and kiss me... That endless hungry kiss. I was wrong, time stops when we tell it to stop.
Touch me...
Are you touching me...?
Can you feel me...?
Slowly, I take off your clothes... Naked before me, you take off my jeans. Then my shirt. Then my bra... You put your hand between my legs and feel the wetness, soaking my panties. You smile and take them off.
We hold each other, our breasts touch... I can feel you, your smooth silky skin... Silence embraces our symmetric bodies. There is not much difference, you know? Not between me and you. Just the way my long hair licks your back, or the way you hold my childish smile with those strong arms. Just that, and nothing more. We are one.
I faint, when you kiss my orange shadow. I am dancing for you the music of your own desire, of your own wanting. My hand is between your legs, I am caressing you from deep inside as you moan for me. I ask you to give me your moaning, and you give them to me, so that I can keep them inside a golden box. How much beauty does it takes? How much love does it takes? Do you only taste like this for me? I believe so... I know so. I know that, cause no one else can taste you but me.
I love that perfume. I could sleep in it. I could fall asleep inside you, and then pretend that I lived in you. I tell you that. You correct me, you say I live in you already. And then I cry...
I don't know much. I know I love you, woman. I know your hand is dancing on my skin. I know I want you inside me... Your tongue on my breast makes me sigh, and then moan... I know I need you. I know so little, you know so much... You know me, you know when you should enter me, when you should kiss me. You know where I hide my pleasure, cause you pursue it, and give it back to me. You carry that on your sweet lips... It's just one long deep endless moan of pleasure.
And then we close our eyes. Hold me tight...
Goodnight sweetheart, I love you...
Rita S.
October, 2001
for Irina
If you like, send your comments to mau_feitio_@hotmail.com