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YOU KNOW HE'S SUB, DON'T YOU? - PART 38
The connection from Hunter Street to the Mill Street end of Parkers Lane is a narrow passageway between the backs of houses and it always feels a bit dangerous. If anyone wants to pass they can't just step by, they have to say 'excuse me' and might even touch you as they pass. Halfway along there's this dip that always gets a puddle in it and even when they keep putting bits of rubble to fill it up, it still seems to be wet. I splashed through that in the dark and got some water on my bare legs. The only light comes from the houses leaving their curtains open, but that's good because you can see in and see what they are doing - like walking around or cooking. I've never seen anything interesting, but you never know and I can't resist looking over the fences at them just in case.
This time I was making a move on, so I hardly glanced either way. I was worried who I should meet, so I kept looking far ahead to the streetlights where the passageway broke into Parkers Lane. And I kept listening so if anyone was after me I'd hear them. But if anyone caught me there'd be no escape. It was the kind of place where an assault could take place and no one would ever get caught and you'd just be left and get found by someone walking their dog ... or something. So I was frightened. The passage seemed really long, and my shorts and shirts felt like they could be ripped off me in a flash and I'd be hurt and left in that puddle. My worst nightmare was to be caught here.
But then my worst nightmare happened cause I heard someone was behind me going quickly and catching up, so I ran and just then Brenda's bike turned up at the Parkers Lane end of the passage, ahead of me. So I was trapped.
I stopped to see who was behind but I couldn't, so I ran towards the light cause I didn't think Brenda would let me get beaten up ... possibly. But then I remembered that Brenda would probably have beaten me up in any case so then I was just totally screwed. I stopped and I didn't know what ... except now I was for it.
The person behind me was Luke, no surprise, and he called my name and ran towards me. Then he crashed into the puddle and swore but then he kept on and caught up with me, grabbed me by the arm and held me and then he had me by both arms and was keeping me in a lock. He was holding my arms behind my back with one hand and grabbed my neck and pulled my head round so I was facing him.
"Why d'you run?" he said, and slapped me - like you'd slap a drunk. "In front of Brenda? That made me look bad." "I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't realise."
"You didn't realise," he mocked. "I didn't know!"
"You spread your stories and a lot of people get hurt." He was saying it that close so his breath hit me with each word. "What stories?" I protested. "Who's hurt?"
"Me! You moron. Me! Me! I get hurt! You think I need people to think I'm gay?" "Are you?"
"Fuck off!" He struck me again and then waited (digging his fingers into my arms and with his legs pushing my legs so if I tried to get away even he'd easily trip me up. I never knew his legs felt like this; he was pretty strong) cause Brenda and Rose had dumped their bikes and were walking down the alley towards us, calling like loud-quiet, the way you do when you don't want to wake everyone up. Their shadows fell on Luke's face. I was looking straight at him. My eyes and my nose and my face straight in front of him and this close, so he turned me round a bit - like he was man-handling a roll of carpet - so he was standing behind me and we could both see them and I was looking at them but unable to move cause he was totally holding me in a - like a wrestling hold where I'm about to be counted out, only we were standing up and not on the carpet! Brenda and Rose marching towards us made their ponytails keep breaking over the streetlamp in Parkers Lane, but their faces were these dark black shapes. But I could hear them talking. They were talking about something, but I don't know what it was. But when got close they were super in charge, as usual.
"Isitfckinbladerunner? Wassityurfuckinplayinatrunninawaylikethat?" And Rose said, "Yeah! Anyway!"
"Yeah, why did you have to go and do that for? Weren't we looking after you, hey? We were fine weren't we? Weren't we giving you what you want?" His strong arms were holding me from running off (I mean, I HAD thought of dodging him and running the other way, back to Hunter Street, but like it wasnt on?); he was stronger now for some reason. Perhaps it was cause he'd been running and his blood was up. Or cause he wanted to be strong and show off. Or cause it turned him on to hold me. Or ... cause he was scared shitless I'd say or do some random thing he could predict what I'd do to hurt him? I don't know. But he seemed to hold me like I simply couldn't move, now that he caught me, and didn't have to worry I could shake him off. Perhaps I WAS weaker; it had been a long day!
Anyway, Brenda and Rose were standing right there and it was like I was in the middle of a vice between all these people hemming around me and seemed like they all wanted to lay into me in some way.
"HoldontohimLukeorhe'llrunoffagain!" said Brenda.
Perhaps it was Brenda he was most frightened of.
"Yeah, all right! I am holding on to him!" he said defensively. "What happened?" he said to me. He felt me up, hands sort of strayed over me, checking me out like he was still holding on to me from running off but at the same time copping a feel and groping me up. One hand went round my top half held on my chest and the other one went down my back and felt my seat, as though he would grab my shorts if I ran off, but also feeling me up; I mean it was dark, but even so, the light was behind Brenda and Rose, so it wasn't like they couldn't see anything, but it was like he was taking advantage of me to you know, be more intimate? Like he was touching the goods and like he could do anything without me saying anything and without them knowing. Advantage taking.
"... I mean, like, the way you dress, all these tight shorts right up into your arsecrack," and his hand felt me up there as though to check that my clothes did go all the way up my crack; his fingertips pressed the nylon seam into my anus, "... shirts open at the neck," his hand felt inside my shirt, stroking my pec and finding a nipple as though he wasn't looking for it, "... and the way you walk, like all you want is cock!"
I could feel his cock cause he pushes his groin forward to let me.
"Yeahthat!" said Brenda. "If I dressedlikethatI'dbesomewhoreorwhatev-er!" "Sure would," said Rose, though she didn't seem to mind the thought. I mean, as far as I'm concerned they did already dress pretty slutty; but who am I to judge? Those girls seemed to dress EXACTLY like me! But I didn't say anything.
Luke continued, "Yeah, what happened? You used to be this cute little sub who looked after us and we looked after and it was great but now you're this - I don't know what you are. You parade around like a slut and you get used by everybody and you don't seem to even notice that everyone uses you. You don't seem to care. About anything. I mean, all you ever are like even if we hit you, it only turns you on." "I don't know ..." I said. Genuinely confused.
He hit me with a sharp blow to the head and I stifled a scream. "See what I mean?" he said.
"Go easy there Luke," said Rose. "Yeahgivehimtimetotakeabreath!" Brenda added. "Look you're done here," he said. "I'll handle it." "You do seem to be handling it," said Rose, sarcastically, "pretty boy."
I don't know if she meant Luke was pretty (which he was, comparatively - in a blokeish way) or I was (cause I was, even more than him cause I was doing it deliberately).
Luke hit me again, defiantly, and kept on as though it was one of them he was hitting.
"LookyoufuckingidiotJason," said Brenda when he stopped, "lyingboutmelyingboutlukelyingbouteverythinisnthelpincauseit just," she took a breath, "makesthingsworseseeandyoisontwantthatordoyou?" "He does," said Rose. "He's a cunt ... sorry Bren."
I didn't like that they seemed not to like me. "I'm sorry," I said "I didn't mean it ..." Luke hit me super hard in the ear; I was so stunned! "Just shut the fuck up and listen!" "Hey!" said Brenda, "easeuporyourejustasbadasalltheothers!"
She obviously didn't already think that he was just as bad as all the others, even though I knew he was!
"Thing is," said Rose, who seemed to be the most reasonable one of the lot, "you said this neck thing of yours was my Brenda's love bites an' we both know that's not true. You could no more fuck my Brenda than you could'a played for Arsène Wenger centre forward number ten you wimp!" "I know," I said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."
"So who was it?" she said.
"Fucksake you lot never let up? What is it with you? Fucksake it was another guy, you don't know, I saw in the street, who wanted to ..." "What?!" cried Luke. "Wanted to what?" "Fuck me!" I said, "fuck me! He wanted to fuck me and I said I didn' want and he said he ... wanted to cum by rubbing his nob on me and he did ..." "Herubbedhisdickonyou?" "Yeah and he cum, but what I didn't realised was that he had made these love bites and what was I supposed to do then I didn't want everyone to know did I?"
I suppose I was more comfortable by now with making up all these lies than I was telling the truth. Cause, if you think lies can be complicated you should see what the truth leads to! So I kept it up.
"You could'a told the truth to begin with babes," said Rose calmly. "Yeah I'm sorry," I said.
"So this was where?" said Luke.
"Near Hunter Street," I said, building on what had just happened. "Derek," I said using the name of the bloke I'd only just blown minutes before, that night!
"Dereksanaffnameforfucksake," said Brenda. Though what made her think 'Brenda' wasn't naff I don't know!
Luke sighed. Well in point of fact they all three of them sighed and Brenda and Rose held hands and Rose said, "Well I suppose that's that then." Rose turned to go. "Itsnotreallythoughisit?" said Brenda. "No. But it'll have to do," Rose pulled Brenda's hand. Reluctantly Brenda went with her. "Hesobviouslyaretardedidiot!" said Brenda. "Butlookyoutwoneedtocometosomearrangement."
"What do you mean?" I said. "LookyouandLukeyeah? causeI'mfuckedifI'mgonnacarryonlikethis." And they walked off without any further explanation. I thought we was about to follow them but Luke held me tight. "Stay!" he said. "Let them go!" Holding onto me like I was a rabbit slipping through his fingers. "What did she mean?" I said. "Just shut it!" said Luke.
I stood. We waited.
Brenda's and Rose's ponytails gradually got smaller and smaller until they got to the end of the passage. Then we saw them on their bikes. Then they were gone.
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END OF YOU KNOW HE'S SUB, DON'T YOU? - PART 38