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YOU KNOW HE'S SUB, DON'T YOU? - PART 79
Second book : YOU BELONG TO JOBAL PART 26 - the bed
I mean, I don't know why punishment was such a thing. It's not like it motivated me, cause I just accepted it, like it was part of the job of being sub - which was my job, wasn't it? And subs get punished. That sort of thing. Why everybody seemed to want to treat me like a like a like some kind of a ... thing ... I don't know, thing. Pain thing. All I know is he got off on it and so did everybody else, one way or another, and they just took pleasure in me being what they wanted, whatever they wanted and me being satisfied with that. Cause I was satisfied with that wasn't I? I thought of Po taking the strap to my backside with a like it was kind of some sort of, I don't know do I? Some sort of love I suppose. Yeah; some sort of love. Not just love though; it was real love. Like L O V E love. Real love. Do you know, how I feel? Do you know? I don't suppose you know.
I turned the noisy washer knob to quick-with-dry and as the machine gurgled into life I sped to the hall, grabbed the little bottle and then went to where the strap was kept in its drawer, held the strap in my teeth, like always, like I should, and stood beside the bed, legs apart, Position Two with my right hand extended towards him with the poppers.
I mean it was good, that, cause I did it without even him having to tell me, like I just knew, yeah, and that felt good.
He was lying on top of the bedclothes, his head resting on his hands with his arms and armpits looking like great big black-hair-filled ears; his feet were separated like a star, his cock a fat lazy curl weighing down on his sack in its lovely nest of soft pubes. He looked lovely and stared at me with a gentle smile - not that I was looking at him, I was looking straight ahead correctly, but I could see, especially cause I glanced didn't I?
I was breathing a bit carefully cause the belt strap in my teeth. And my arm extended my fist with the poppers, outstretched, which he seemed to ignore, like he hadn't noticed, which meant my arm ached a bit up to my shoulder and my neck and it shook a little bit, like a ... But it felt good cause it was ... I don't know why it was.
He was looking at me good, cause he said, "Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Cause like, cause a good workout isn't just about building muscle. It's about good posture good, feeling good physically, feeling good about yourself, mentally and good attitude as well, isn't it?"
"YhshsSir," I mumbled, cause the strap.
"That wasn't a question you clown."
"ShorryshSir."
"SorrySir you will be fucking sorrySir won't you specially when I've finished with you."
"YshshSir, hank youshSir," I said, even though I wasn't sure that was a question either.
I don't think it was.
"Your face probably stinks of my piss doesn't it?"
"hYhshSr,t dus.Ser."
"That's good. That's your smell. I give it to you. Do you like that you stink of my piss?"
"YsshSir.hank you shSir."
"YesSirThankyouSir," he said. "That's it. Respectful and polite. You've improved. You've come on. And in no time at all. One session with Urib. I don't know what he did, but I'm proud of you. Yes I am. You pulled it outta the hat. I knew you had it in you ... ... Ok. Ok put them down on the bed," at last he said. "And the strap as well."
So I laid the poppers and the strap next to it on the clean white sheets of the bed, like offerings on an altar and the dark leather of the strap had a half-moon of wet and little indentations where I had been gripping it in my teeth.
Then I naturally assumed the First Position - with my legs apart and my hands resting on my head, fingers intertwined. I flexed my abs and arched my back like Urib had taught me, and he was looking at me and his dick, Po's dick, it caught my attention, jerked from where it had been on his thigh like it was this large brown purple-headed dragon that was fast asleep on its pile of gold, and it stood up, like he was making it without me seeing, and then it fell back, like if it was already tired it would say like, 'Just checking mate', yeah?
"... I knew you had it in you to obey me if you sub so naturally, which you do. Did Urib beat you or did he just drone on like this do-this-do-that?"
"He did. He gave me the caned, Sir."
"Bet that hurt or did he go easy?"
"It hurt Sir. He wanted me to learn what I had to be Sir."
"Yeah? I'll bet. Canes sting like shit! I know cause I was once caning this guy and accidentally caned myself cause I missed cause I was so into it and that really hurt. It was funny."
He laughed. But I was careful not to laugh.
"Did you really like being caned by Urib?"
"Yes Sir."
"I know you did. Pain is fucking addictive. Did you like it really or did you just feel you deserved it or was it fucking agony or what?"
I had to think. There was a lot of options I hadn't considered before. "I ... I ... Yes Sir ... All of that it was like ... Sir ..." I trailed off. "Sorry Sir. I don't know."
"That's ok. That's all right. You don't need to know. You don't need to know anything. That's the point. You can relax. It's all good, cause I'm going to use that strap and you won't know about that either. Know what I mean?"
"Yes Sir," I said - though when he used the word 'relax' I was careful not to relax anything but I stayed flexed and tense and like Urib had taught me, to display my body as well as demonstrate that it was Po's property to fuck or whatever as he liked, Urib taught me.
"Yes Sir," I said.
"No you don't. What do I mean?"
"You mean you are going to beat me with it Sir cause like I had to be punished for ... like you said, Sir."
"Yeah that's right. And what am I going to do? I am going to beat the fucking shit out of you so shit that and I'll leave so many marks Urib won't know where to fucking start!" He laughed like but it was a joke. "Betcha didn't know I was a bully!" And he laughed like but that was a joke as well.
But I don't know ANYONE who ISN'T a bully, do I? Haven't you noticed?
"Do you like having a bully as a boyfriend?" he said.
I didn't know what to say to that. So I didn't say anything.
That was a mistake. "Do you WANT to be punished?"
"Pppp Sir?"
"I'm not sure you want to be punished. Tell me you want it."
"I want it Sir, I w-a-ant to ... be punished Sir."
"You want to be punished?"
"Yes Sir. Please Sir."
I mean cause it was like I DID want to be punished.
"Yeah but say it like you believe it you cunt. I'm not buying a fucking parrot!"
"I DO want to be punished," I said, "please Sir I DO want to be punished. I want to be punished Sir! I I d-"
He laughed at me trying to convince him like that, but I was thinking, 'Yeah but why am I here if I'm not going to be punished? What am I doing this for if I'm not going to be punished? What's the point of everything if I'm not going to be punished?'
"Yeah yeah I'm not sure you do though ... but ... well, you know, who cares? Either you do or you don't. Either way. Doesn't matter. Either I punish you and you want to be punished. Or you don't want to be punished and I still do it. It isn't up to you. And anyway what's the point if everything is what you want? Or if you're just saying it to please me? How should I know? I don't care. It makes no difference to me. Hurting you is like a bad habit. But I can't help it. Because it has to be done. Doesn't it?"
"Yes Sir. It does Sir."
"Why?"
"Cause I have to be broken Sir. I have to be broken."
Po smiled. "Yes; but no, not that. Cause you haven't noticed but you have been broken. You stopped being you a while back, and even longer than that you stopped having a say; you stopped having a say the moment I saw you. You've been owned so long you don't even know it. You think you have a mind but I control it. You don't exist. You're like a fuck doll to me."
But it thought, My life is perfect. I am where I want to be.
Po was still lying on the bed, as though everything he was talking about was an abstract thought, like British Summer Time, or the colour of glass; his eyes seemed to cast a superman ray which went cut right through me, like a tiny tiny hole which moved where it went and made a mark on the wall behind me, like a tiny burn. And as his line of sight moved across me I could feel it like being pulled through my body like a wire though a piece of cheese, almost as though I were being sliced into portions for a midnight feast ... or something like that. Sort of. If it made me uncomfortable I had to just stand there and just sort of like take it as though it wasn't happening, or I wasn't noticing, or something else. I don't know if he noticed like I did, but I've noticed these guys I meet, these types who just like to use me, don't really think about what I'm feeling. They really don't think. They just like to do stuff and don't think about what it feels like. They have this idea that I don't really feel anything. I think. They think I'm just like a dumb bitch who hasn't any actual feelings as such, just a kind of moaning response to them that makes.this kind of moaning sound whenever they do anything. Like this stupid moaning sound. Like that's all it is.
"You need to calm down," he said, "you're hyperventilating.
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END OF YOU KNOW HE'S SUB, DON'T YOU? - PART 79