Young Volcanoes Chapter 10
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Young Volcanoes
~ by Billy Wright ~**
Maybe we all had a blast with Halloween and it's afterparty. But October is over and now we are in November. Anyone knows what is celebrated this month? (Besides American Thanksgiving) Any and all thoughs are welcome:
billy.alexander.wright@gmail.com
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Chapter 10
Sunflowers and Skeletons
The pale dark glow of the night shines like silver on our skin. The black silhouettes in the distance aren't the giants of old our parents warned us about, but mountains I can barely distinguish. I am not focused on any of that, though. Right now, my world is limited to the ten meters in front of me. Beyond, nothing. Ten meters, coincidentally, the length of your pool.
I look at you, standing in the water beside me, looking at the far end.
"The first one to swim there and back wins," you repeat, stretching.
Oh, this is a bad idea. I mean, leaving aside the fact that we've both been drinking for the past few hours and that neither of us has had any rest, this is a bad idea, and by that I mean: this is a bad idea for you. I'm 18, over a decade younger than you. Why did you challenge me to a swimming race?
I look at you. The water distorts the image of the man you are. Your whole body seems to be moving even though you are standing still. I notice the hair on your chest, the... No, I stop myself. I can't get distracted. I need to win. Although, I notice my boxer briefs are tighter than yours, maybe that'll help me?
"Are you ready, Johnny?" You ask, mocking me.
I give you a sarcastic look. "Ready, old man."
We both close our eyes and take deep breaths. The air, trapped in our lungs, stays there, and, for a second, the night is still, quiet. A lone cricket chirps in the distance. This calmness is almost too beautiful to destroy. Almost. We both exhale.
"On the count of three," you say, getting ready. The soles of your feet are against the wall of the pool. "One..." we both set our eyes on the goal. "Two..." We take a deep breath, collecting all the oxygen we can. "Three!"
As soon as I start swimming I regret it. My head starts pounding, a hammer hitting the sides of my brain. Having all those margaritas wasn't a good idea. I also haven't swum in a long time but still, I move my arms as fast as I can. Speed isn't a problem, catching air is. I can't see much but as soon as I spot the edge of the pool, I stretch one of my arms until the tips of my fingers touch the wall.
I push myself as hard as I can, gaining an initial impulse towards the other edge. I feel better during the second half, swimming faster, swallowing less water. I move as fast as I can until finally, I catch brief glimpses of the goal. I stroke once, twice, thrice, four times, and...
"Finish!" I shout, pushing my body out of the water, taking a big gasp of air. My chest is moving up and down. I must've barely breathed during the race. I look at my side but you aren't there. That makes me smile. I look for you in the distance but you are nowhere to be found. "What...?"
"What took you so long?"
I turn around and there you are. Outside the pool, sitting in a relaxed pose. "What? How did you... when?"
You give me the widest of smiles. "What? Didn't I mention that I swim every morning before working out?" You stand up before jumping back into the pool. "I even followed your mother's advice and joined a swimming team. Won silver last year, been practicing for the gold."
And there you are, calm, as if you hadn't moved an inch while I'm still making an effort to catch my breath, and it hurts me to admit it but my legs are complaining about the effort I forced them to make.
"Okay, okay," I say, leaning against the edge. "You win. I'll tell you about how that dick felt in my mouth..."
"Not so fast, cowboy," you lean against the stairs. "Or should I say sailor? Anyway, I know that I suggested that I wanted that story as my prize but... I've changed my mind."
I let out a big, discreet sigh. I'm a little disappointed you won but, at the same time, I get excited just by thinking what are you going to ask for. Come to think about it, I had never let you see me in my underwear -save for that milk incident- and I have certainly never seen you in your boxer briefs before.
"What do you want?" I ask. I hide the excitement I feel. I will never show you that side of me.
"Why don't you show me a photo?" you answer without hesitation.
I raise one of my eyebrows. "Which one?" I take my still wet phone. Luckily, it seems to work just fine. "The one from the Halloween party...?"
"Not that one," you cut me. Your face is expressionless but there is something - a discrete, barely perceptible smile hiding just beneath the surface. A Mona Lisa smile. "Show me one of the pictures that Captain's little brother took."
"What?" that takes me by surprise. "I never..."
"Never what? Said that you had them? I know," you grin, "but come on, who are we kidding? Of course, you do. I won the race - that's my prize."
I stay quiet for a second. You are smarter than I thought. Stronger, faster, fitter, and smarter. That only makes me respect you more; admire you more. So, I comply. I browse for the secret folder on my phone. "Here."
There, from back when I was 15, are the photos of Captain and me. When your eyes meet the screen, your face stays blank. I am wearing pieces of a sailor suit and kissing an almost naked cowboy. The image is sloppier and hotter than I remember. I look so much younger, more naive than I remember. I can feel my dick arousing from the sheer memory of it.
"It's a nice one," you say with satisfaction. And that is when I notice, just by a flinch, that you are too hiding your emotions, your true reactions. That makes me smile - you like it. You like seeing me like that.
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When Captain finally woke up, he immediately ran towards the house. It was funny, actually. He looked like shit. His hair was all messed up, he had huge bags under his eyes, and he was only wearing what little was left of his cowboy suit.
"Morning, sunshine!" I said from the kitchen, doing my best to sound cheerful and hide my own hangover. "How did you...?"
"How long have you been up?" The expression on Captain's face was priceless. The cowboy clothes -as seen in my house in broad daylight instead of at a party- are really not leaving much to the imagination.
I look up and pause to think. "I woke up about an hour ago," I say.
"An hour? An hour?!" He shouts but sounds more baffled than angry. "We were sleeping naked in the car! You woke up an hour ago and left me sleeping there! Naked, in the street!"
"I came inside to take a shower and make pancakes," I explained as if it was nothing. "My mom and I always hide a spare key in the garden." I said, feeling his eyes on the back of my neck. "Yesterday I was so knocked up I totally forgot about it."
Captain looked at me with disbelief before smiling and starting to laugh. Halloween hadn't just been a wild party but we had also slept naked outside for no reason.
"Oh, Johnny," Captain stopped laughing. He was still smiling but his face said how serious he was forcing himself to be. "Last night was fun. The party, the contest..." then, a pause. It's just one second long but enough to make me look at him, "...the car part was fun too but I..."
"Hey," I cut him. "It's okay, Captain. Vegas, remember?"
It took him a second but, in the end, he nodded. "Vegas."
"Vegas," I gave him a pancake. "Just eat this and, oh... remember our deal. I go to the party, you tell me all about your business with Armando, okay?"
Captain stayed silent, yeap, he totally forgot why I agreed to go to the party in the first place. I rolled my eyes.
"But before that please go pick up the sailor suit," I added. "You threw it out the window, remember? Pick it up before my mother arrives."
Captain looked back at the door and then down at himself. "I'm not going outside like this."
"Yesterday you had no problem with it," I teased but he gave me a stern look. "Sorry. Go to my room and pick something. But please, hurry, we need to pick those clothes up and wash them before my mom arrives."
"Yeah, yeah, and Johnny... I'll tell you about armando, I did promise it, after all." Captain headed upstairs but made a stop before stepping on the first step. "Wait, if we slept naked and the sailor suit is still in the front yard, did you run here n..."
"Shut up!" I launched a pancake at him from across the room.
After putting on some of my clothes -which didn't fit him perfectly- Captain brought the sailor costume in. We ate breakfast together and while he showered, I took the party costumes to the washing machine.
I was just throwing them in when I noticed something was missing. My boxer briefs weren't there. I checked once, twice. I even went out to the front yard but nothing. Then, a thought... Oh! Maybe Captain didn't want to talk about what had happened but it looked like he had taken a souvenir with him.
That put an unexpected smile on my face. After setting on the washing machine I turned on the TV in the living room. I was watching Dark...
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"Dark? From Netflix?" You ask me, a little bit distracted.
"Yeah," I nod. "Have you..."
"Of course! Who hasn't? Such a good show, I loved it."
"Amazing, and that ending... Oh, God."
"So good," you repeat. "Have you seen The Crown? Diana..."
"Oh, Diana, I swear I cried when she hugged that HIV kid. But anyway, I was watching Dark..."
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...when I heard a vague ding coming from my right. I ignored it at first but then it sounded again, and then the third time. Finally, I turned around and saw it was a phone, lying on the couch, receiving new texts. It was Captain's phone.
Normally, I wouldn't have cared less. But when I turned, just in that brief glimpse, I saw who was sending the texts. It was Armando.
I didn't waste any time, I paused the show and took the phone in my hands. I waited for a second to make sure the water was still running in the shower upstairs. Then, I activated it only to find the phone was password protected.
"Shit, what..." I didn't even bother trying to find the password. I wasn't that type of person, besides, there was no way I was going to guess it in less than three attempts. Besides, Captain promised to tell me everything about Armando anyway. I left the phone in its place but not ten seconds later, the phone was again in my hands. The message was still there. Why is Armando texting Captain? A new question arrived.
Slowly, I set my eyes on the pop up message. It said:
Armando Cuervo:
What we had? Really?? You are using THAT card? Why are you always so dramatic? Plus, what does that have to do with anything? And no. I'm glad to hear you guys apologized but I still...
I couldn't read the rest of the message, the text box wasn't large enough. I thought about unlocking the phone but if I failed it would get blocked and Captain would know I was spying. That wasn't an option, besides, the last thing I needed was more problems with my friends.
So I just reread the message. The words didn't make sense to me. What we had? I read it twice, three, four times. What we had, what we had... What did Armando and Captain have? What did they... then, everything clicked.
I didn't waste any time. I ran to the backyard, took out my phone, and called Buch. It took him three rings to pick up.
"Buch! I know it!" I almost shouted without noticing. My heart was beating fast. "I know everything."
"What?" Buch sounded confused. "What are you...? Look, sister, my shift starts in six minutes, I don't have time to play riddles so if you want to tell me something, go ahead, spit it."
"I..." My words failed me. I was so excited to share what I had found that now my tongue was getting tied. "I..."
"Oh, shit," Buch sighed. "This is about yesterday, isn't it? Okay, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have bailed you and Morgan yesterday but the phone guy from yesterday wasn't just sex. I mean, yeah, he was pretty good and his dick was so..."
"What? I'm not talking about that," I quickly corrected him. "Besides I didn't know you and that phone guy had... God, I didn't need to know that."
"Really? I thought you and Morgan were angry at me because of that," Buch was so expressive I could picture him just by the tone of his voice. "Especially Morgan, he spent weeks begging me to go to that party. But hey, you can't get mad at me, after all, you and Morgan got naughty with each other too."
"What? How... No, we didn't!" I lied. It was so unconvincing that even I didn't believe me. Still, I didn't want to talk about that. "I'm talking about Armando!"
"Armando? What does he have to do with...?"
"I know why you didn't want me to go after him," the words tasted like vinegar in my mouth. Buch went silent. "Captain and Armando used to date, right? Is Captain still in love with...?"
"Stop right there," Buch's tone got serious. "The answer is I don't know what Morgan feels, okay? He has never been expressive about it. Now, I'm not even gonna ask how you found out they used to date but, Johnny, remember, Morgan is your friend. And you don't date your friend's ex..."
"Well, technically you paid his ex to fuck me."
"That's not the point. Armando is his ex, and yeah, I don't know what Morgan feels for Armando but, sister, when you are not around he talks about you and Armando a lot. He clearly has strong feelings about the subject. It clearly matters to him. So, if your friend minds that you and Armando are fooling around..."
"But that's the thing!" I interrupted him. "I don't want to fool around with Armando. He and I had..."
"...an amazing first date," he imitated me. "I know, you mentioned it a lot the other night."
"Well then, there you have it. I don't know Armando that well, to be honest, but I want to. I want the chance to get to know him. I think he and I really clicked, you know? He never got annoyed with my antics, liked my flirting style, and is super good at killing zombies. I like him, okay? I just want a chance with the guy."
Buch stayed silent for a while. I could hear a lot of noise on the other line, pots and pans, people talking. He was at the sushi place. Finally, after an eternity, Buch spoke again:
"Okay," he said. "I think you and Armando deserve a chance but -and hear me out, Johnny- BUT you have to talk to Morgan first. Tell him all this, okay? You are friends, he deserves this, at least."
I didn't reply. Captain didn't apologize to me after I found out, on my own, about the whole money thing, even though it had been his idea. He waited until I went to him. I wasn't sure he deserved me telling him. Besides, how was I supposed to tell him? Hey, Captain, I want a chance to date your ex, do you mind?
However, telling him that would need me to admit I had checked his phone without his permission. Not necessarily, a voice inside me said. Captain is going to talk to you about Armando after he comes out of the shower, isn't he? Of course he is going to tell me they used to date. After that I can tell him I want to date Armando.
Well, another voice replied. That is IF I decide to tell Captain. I was still torn about that. Telling him was the right thing to do even though he didn't deserve it.
"Oh, just one thing," Buch's voice brought me back to reality. "When you tell Morgan..."
"IF I tell Morgan," I corrected.
"Johnny..." Buch was about to confront me but a voice in the background was calling his name. "Okay, whatever. Do what you want but IF you decide to tell him... Don't do it today. You two are hungover, your brains aren't working properly, and you don't want to have the I-want-to-date-your-ex conversation the day right after you fooled around. Believe me, I've been there."
I opened my mouth, astonished. "We didn't... How do you know we fooled around?"
"You just told me." Buch laughed, "oh, and don't tell him I already knew about him and Armando. You know how private he is with these things. Morgan doesn't know I know. I think he was trying to hide it from me."
"What? I thought Captain had told you I couldn't get serious with Armando... But if he didn't, how do you know Captain cares about me being with Armando?"
"I'm Morgan's best friend. He never hides anything from me. He hid this, which means it must be really important to him." I heard him sigh on the other end of the line. "Do the right thing, Johnny."
When I went back into the house Buch's words started to make sense to me. I wasn't feeling very well so that day was a recovery day, not a day for big decisions. Shortly after, Captain came down, showered, and dressed. He offered me to fulfill his end of the deal and talk about Armando but I turned him down, telling him we'd do it later. He thanked me for the breakfast and went home.
Besides, I thought, I already know he dated Armando. No more big secrets.
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"I spent the rest of the morning watching Dark until you and mom arrived," I say.
I look at my fingers. We've been in the water for so long that my fingertips have turned into raisins.
You nod, looking to the sky. "Yeah, I remember. We were exhausted. It had been a long night. That was one of the last days I visited you guys before, well, you know."
I nod, not knowing what to say. That was one of the last days before the big fight you and mom had. I try to think of something else. "Maybe you were so tired you didn't notice I was hungover."
You smile. "I know you are joking but that's true, we didn't notice. I had no idea you had sneaked out the night before."
"Well, if you remember that day, then you know what happened next..."
"I do," you say. "I remember. Lots of sunflowers and, oddly enough, a skeleton."
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That afternoon I decided to finally text Armando. He still hadn't replied to any of my texts. He hadn't even seen them, he was actively ghosting me. Still, hope always dies last so, even with the odds stacked against me, I sent him a text.
Hey, sorry to bother you, but I've talked with my friends. Both of them. I know everything that happened. I even know you dated Captain (that's how I call Morgan). I still think we deserve another chance. A second first date, if you will. And sorry for everything that happened.
I let myself fall on the bed, looking at my phone. It is so weird how hangovers can last for hours and hours, even after the dizziness is gone, there is something weird still going on in your head. The day was moving so slowly and Armando still showed no signs of life that I started scrolling my contacts list and soon enough I found myself in Captain's chat.
Yeah, Buch had told me to wait for another day but my patience was growing thin just as my anxiety grew larger by the second. So, I texted Captain too with a simple:
Hey, I need to tell you something. It's about the conversation you owe me. It's about Armando.
Not ten seconds had passed when Captain's status changed to online and the app marked the text as read. I stared at the screen, waiting, waiting, and waiting but Captain didn't reply. After ten minutes, I left my phone there and went to grab a snack in the kitchen. By the time I was back, I had a response.
I picked up my phone, ready to reply to Captain but it wasn't him who replied. It was Armando.
First of all, you shouldn't be apologizing, John. I am the one who owes you an apology, what I did was... I still haven't forgiven myself. Secondly, I know. You still want us to give it a shot. I know. Morgan called me earlier today. He told me everything that happened and he actually gave me a little bit of advice..
I stared at my phone for a while, not knowing what to think or do. Actually, no matter how many times I read the text, I couldn't decipher its meaning. I texted him back.
What? What are you saying?
Armando didn't reply right away. I could feel myself dying for every second that passed with him not answering. My bones started to ache and the dizziness in my head grew bigger and bigger.
More than ten minutes had passed when I saw him starting to write again. I exited the conversation. I didn't want him to know I had been staring at the chat for ten whole minutes. Not when he was finally talking to me again.
Well, when Morgan called he mentioned that you wouldn't shut up about our first date and how cool it was. I liked it too, more than I thought I would. So I...
I opened it immediately only to see he was still writing another one. My mind was jumping through rings of fire, excited and dangerous.
What I'm trying to say is...
Armando kept writing in the chat until he suddenly stopped. My heart sank. I knew my mind was exaggerating, that it probably meant nothing but my chest was beating so fast I could barely breathe. I waited one, two, three seconds until he finally started to write again. The last message arrived:
Forget it. I was trying to explain myself but forget it. Let me say what I want to say not in words but in a language that you understand: let's make a bet.
I'm going to make a sound, okay? Listen to it carefully. And, if you recognize the sound, then you are going to win something.
I re-read the message. I was confused. Was he playing some sort of game with me? Was this his revenge for the bet I made at the arcade? That time we bet an ice-cream cone, nothing out of the ordinary. But now...
And if I don't recognize it?
This time, Armando didn't make me wait. He replied as fast as me.
If you don't it will be pretty awkward for me. So let's hope you do.
I sat down on my bed, waiting for Armando to send me a voice note, an audio clip, or even a link to some video. Nothing. I let myself fall on the bed, my eyes glued to the screen. Maybe he was going to record something and then send it to me, maybe I was supposed to reply and say something, maybe... a loud, brief, metallic, melodious sound rang in my ears all of a sudden. Ding-dong, it went. It took me several seconds to realize the doorbell had rang.
"The door," I said in a whisper. I'm going to make a sound, Armando had said. A sound. "The door!" I got up, jumped across my room and ran down the stairs, almost tripping over in the hallway.
Is Armando here? At my house?! That didn't make any sense! An hour ago the guy wasn't talking to me and now he was at my doorstep. He mentioned that Captain had called him. Maybe he told Armando something? What...
"Oh, hello," my mom said after opening the front door, I was standing at the bottom of the stairs, watching. "Can I help you with something?"
I walked slowly to the front door, one step after another. If I hadn't been nervous before, this would've made me: The front door was opened as wide as it could go. My mother was standing next to it, holding it open, her back to me.
On the other side of the door there was someone, standing still, holding something in his hands. However, farther behind, a car -the blue Honda Civic- was just parking in front of the house and, a second later, my mom's long-time friend came out.
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"That's you," I mention, sending a jet of water your way.
"I remember," you smile, looking at the stars.
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Mom's friend walked all the way to the front door, a quizzical grin in his face. Both he and my mom looked at the boy on the front door.
"Hello, m'am," the boy said. "I'm here looking for John, is he home?"
Then, at once, three pairs of eyes fell on me. My mom, an all-knowing expression on her face, my mom's friend with an eyebrow raised, and... Armando. All the air I had left in my lungs suddenly vanished, not because he was standing there, at the front door, no. It was because he was holding a bouquet of sunflowers. A big one, more than a dozen of them, tightly wrapped in a brown paper.
Armando had a wide smile on his face but he looked funny. He was dressed in a suit, a three-piece black suit, with a bowtie and a white shirt underneath as if he was going to a wedding. Yet, that wasn't the weirdest thing: his face and hands were covered in black and white paint. He was dressed like a skeleton.
"Hey," he said, looking at me, then he looked at the adults. "Hello, Mr. and Mrs..."
"Oh, no, they aren't..." I started, but then shook my head. "It doesn't matter," I turned towards my mom. "This is Armando."
"Hi," he replied. "I'm John's friend."
My heart almost beat out of my chest when my name came out of his lips. I was so confused. There were so many things I didn't understand but right then and there, in front of him, none of them mattered. All that I cared about was that he was there, a few feet away from me.
"Hello, Armando, it's a pleasure," my mom replied.
"The pleasure is mine," Armando made a tiny bow before setting his eyes on me. "John," he lowered his head and gave me the flowers. "I am so sorry for everything that happened. I truly am."
I accepted the flowers without a word. That was such a weird feeling, receiving flowers. I always thought of myself as the guy who isn't into that kind of crap but the moment I had them in my hands, I couldn't help but smile. I felt special, unique, seen. I was shining.
"We'll leave you alone," I heard my mom's voice behind me. I had forgotten she was there. She pulled her friend inside the house and both of them went into the study. Then, Armando and I were alone. I looked inside, torn if I should invite him in or not but, instead, I took a step outside and sat on the front steps of the house. Armando followed my lead.
We were sitting quietly side by side for a second.. Him, dressed as a skeleton, and me, holding the sunflowers bouquet.
"John," Armando let out, finally breaking the silence. "What I said earlier, in the text, it's true... I'm sorry."
I was fidgeting with my fingers, unsure how to react. I could feel Armando's eyes on me but didn't have the courage to look back.
"John," Armando insisted. "I'm sorry for everything. What I did, the money, the date, it was all... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that, any of that."
I kept playing with my hands, quiet. I knew Armando was as guilty as Buch or Captain, yet my heart had forgiven him long ago, so long ago in fact that hearing his apology now was almost surreal. "It's okay," I replied. "You did nothing wrong, you just... accepted money to hang out with me."
"I accepted money to fake interest in you," Armando corrected. "And to fuck with you, that's the truth, don't try to sugarcoat it, John. I took the money, I know what I did, that's why I am apologizing for."
To fake interest in you, my mind repeated. Man, those words hurt far worse than what the apology was healing, I had forgiven him, yeah, but it still hurt.. He faked everything, I thought. The laughs, the smiles, the flirting... that entire first day was fake.
I must've looked pretty distressed because Armando moved closer, grabbing me by the shoulder. "Don't take it like that. What I did was awful, yeah, I thought I was earning some easy money but... when we started killing zombies, and throwing hoops, the way we danced the hell out of that machine... you were so sweet, John, I started to regret taking the money. I thought I would be dating an asshole, some prick, or someone with zero social skills but you were the opposite of that. I had so much fun with you... and that only made me feel worse."
Still staring at the floor, I shook my head. "But why? I mean, I get that you felt bad and all but, you, out of nowhere, told me my friends had paid you then you ignored me for weeks. Why?"
"I..." Armando lowered his head, his hand on the back of his neck. "I didn't handle that very well, at all. It's just, after running from your house, after seeing how sweet, how caring you were I... I got so mad, mad at Buch and Morgan for doing that to you, that's why I sent you that text. I wanted you to get as mad with them as I was, I wanted them to pay."
I form a grin, almost unable to believe you. "Mad at them as if you hadn't done anything wrong."
"That's the thing," Armando admitted. "Even though I was mad at them I... Fuck, I was also mad at myself. That's when I realized how much my text must've hurt you and your relationship with them. I felt like the biggest piece of shit in the world... and then when I got all your angry texts, I... I knew I deserved them all, I knew I could never look you in the eyes again."
My head turned towards him but Armando was staring at the floor, his eyes fixed on the pavement. The melancholy in his face, the regret, the tremble of his lip... Even after what he had done, I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. "So that's why you weren't replying to my texts."
That made him glance back at me. "John, that is the thing I'm trying to tell you: I didn't reply not because I was ignoring you. I just... I just felt like the biggest piece of shit in the world."
"I see," and I did. I had never stopped to think what in the hell must've been happening in Armando's head when he decided to confess everything, why he hadn't replied, what he must've been feeling. He is still a douchebag, my brain argued. What he did was a seriously fucked up thing to do. `I was paid to fake interest in you, to fuck you,' the words echoed in my mind.
Except, he isn't, my heart replied. Armando isn't a douchebag. He made a mistake, yeah, but he is the one who told you the truth. Not Buch, not Captain, it was Armando who realized it was wrong. Even with the risk of you hating him forever, Armando decided to do the right thing, and that, at least, means something.
I looked at the skeleton boy, his eyes fixed on the ground. I had forgiven Buch and Captain, even though neither of them told me what was happening. Armando did, though.
"If you couldn't talk to me because you felt like shit, then how are you here?" I asked then, staring at his back. "What made you change your mind?"
"I told you, Morgan called me," Armando briefly glanced at me. "He said that... well, before I say anything else, I think you should know that Morgan and I dated a while ago, before highschool, he..."
"I know," I cut him. "About you and Captain, I know."
"You do?" He made a grin. "Okay, then. The point is he called me earlier today. He said a lot of things. Like, a lot. He told me the three of you had cleared the air, that you had forgiven them. I was really glad when I heard that. Then he also mentioned he overheard you and Buch talking over the phone earlier today or something..."
I squeezed the bouquet with force. So that's what this is about, I thought to myself. I had gone to the yard to talk with Buch over the phone, it never occured to me that, after Captain finished his shower, he could've overheard me from the window in my room. He heard I was still into Armando!
"That's when Morgan mentioned you wanted to get in touch with me again," Armando looked away and his shyness made me smile. "I couldn't believe that you didn't hate me after all that had happened, much less that you still wanted to go out, give me another shot."
"That's what all my texts said too!"
"Really?" Armando looked at me, shocked. "I did notice you were trying to talk to me but, to be honest, I didn't want to open them, much less read them. I felt awful every time I remembered what I did to you."
"Oh," I played with the bouquet. "If you want, I can stop talking to you and..."
"No!" Armando put his hand on my arm. "No, that's not what... if you want to stop talking to me, I'd completely understand but... I'd rather you wouldn't. I..." Armando took in a deep breath, closing his eyes. "I liked how you were on our first date, a lot. And just to be clear, those flowers aren't apology flowers -well, they are- but they also are... would you give me a second chance? flowers."
I smiled, looking at the yellow petals. Slowly but surely, I raised my eyes and looked at him, repented, hopeful. The Sun was shining way above the rooftops. The neighborhood was being showered in rays of golden and yellow. And now, I couldn't stop looking at the skeleton next to me.
"Second chance..." I whisper. "It depends, did Morgan tell you to do it or...?"
"No," Armando replied. "He did suggest I should see you but the sunflowers are all my idea."
"And the skeleton costume?"
Armando gave me a confused look before looking at himself, almost as if he had forgotten he was in costume. "Oh, this? Well, it's because... you don't know? Don't you know what day it is?"
I tried to remember. Just by looking at the car, the blue Honda, and what had happened the night before the date popped up in my mind. Today is the day after Halloween, my mind thought. "November 1st."
"Yes, but it's also Día de los Muertos," Armando smiled. I should've guessed he was Mexican or of Mexican descent but for two dates I never got the chance to ask about his family. He didn't seem to mind. "And I'm not a skeleton, I'm a catrín."
"Catrín?" I asked, confused. "Okay, I don't have the slightest idea what that means but, at the risk of embarrassing myself, I must say: you don't look half bad dressed as a catrín."
"Are you trying to say I'm looking handsome?" he smiled.
"Are you always so direct?"
"Only when I know what I want," he smiled with confidence. "And hey, I may be direct and honest but man, you are cheeky. At least you were on our first date. Which brings me to the other reason why I came here. See, I have a family reunion today -that's why I'm all dressed up- so I can't stay long but, maybe, some other day, if you want, we can, you know, give it another shot, as you've been suggesting."
"Are you asking me on a date?" I said without thinking.
"See? I told you you're cheeky." That made us both laugh. "But yes, I'm asking you out on another date. Only if you are satisfied with my apology, of course. If not, I can buy you an even bigger bouquet."
"Don't worry," I said, still smiling. "I mean, this bouquet is passable at best but..."
"Passable?" Armando pushed my shoulder playfully. "Passable? Wow!"
I laughed with that. "Okay, okay, it's pretty great. I like it."
"And the date?"
I paused for a little before replying, I wanted to savor every second of it. "Only if you promise it will be as good as the first one,"
"Well, now that no one is getting paid... I promise you, it will be better."
And I believed him. I did. After that, he said he had to leave so we said goodbye and I went back to the house. My mother and her friend were inside, waiting and smiling in a very annoying way. I ignored them and went upstairs after grabbing a vase to put the flowers in my bedroom. Every time I looked at them I couldn't help but smile.
I was happy; genuinely happy. I thought about telling Captain and Buch but, for some reason, I didn't want to. I wanted this whole thing with Armando to be something only between him and me. So I didn't tell them. It was my secret.
However, that night I texted Captain, I asked him if he was okay with me -hypothetically- dating Armando. The fact that he had called Armando and told him to come visit me was pretty telling but I wanted to be sure. The last thing I needed was another fight with my friends.
Don't worry about that, Johnny. Oh, and about that chat I owe you... I hope you don't mind if I call it off. After all, you already know everything there was to know.
Captain had been eavesdropping, still I apologized for telling Buch the whole thing even though I should've discussed things with him first. So, I told him everything. I said that I knew they had dated and that if he was still in love with Armando - even a little bit - I wouldn't date him. Captain replied almost immediately.
Armando and I dated, yeah. But it was a long time ago. Besides... you only know you love her when you let her go, right? Well, I love you, man, and I let him go. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBumgq5yVrA
I smiled at that. Captain's blessing was all I needed. Now, there was nothing standing between Armando and me. I hit the link and the song started playing.
**
***
**
I look for the same song Captain had shown me all those years ago. I swim to the edge of the pool and hit play on my phone. As soon as I hear those guitar strings I'm transported to the past, to the memory of that day, of my catrín of sunflowers.
The song starts playing in the background:
You only need the light when it's burning low. Only miss the sun when it starts to snow.
"Captain took way longer than Buch to apologize," I say, looking at you. "But instead of giving me the conversation he owed me, he called Armando, explained everything to him, and encouraged him to date me... he more than made up for it."
"Sounds like Morgan gave Armando up really easily," you mention. "Or maybe Buch made it sound as if it was a bigger deal than it actually was."
"Good points but at that moment I didn't care about that. Also, I didn't tell my friends about my next date with Armando. I wanted that to be my little secret."
You smile at that. I can tell you are thinking. That day, after all, wasn't just the day Armando showed up. It was also one of the last days Mom and I had you in our lives before the big fight. Before you left for Italy and vanished from our lives.
Only you've been high when you're feeling low. Only hate the road when you're missing home.
I wonder if back then you knew that. That your days with us were numbered. That our life was about to change so suddenly, so drastically. Maybe, if we had known, we would've acted differently. I was so happy, so was mom and probably you were too. Neither of us seemed to know.
I missed you a lot after you left. That was funny because even though we saw each other on an almost daily basis, we never talked much. Maybe I took you for granted. Maybe you took my mom for granted too.
Only know you love her when you let her go. And you let her go.
"What does that mean?" You ask all of a sudden. "You only know you love her when you let her go - what does it mean?"
"Buch said that he only knew he was my friend when he realized he could let go of me," I explain.
Staring at the bottom of your glass, hoping that one day you make a dream last. But dreams come slow and they go oh so fast.
You shake your head. "But, what does the singer mean? You can't love someone unless you let them go from your life?"
You see it when you close your eyes. Maybe one day you will understand why everything you touch surely dies.
"Maybe," I say. "Maybe it means that you don't know what you have until you lose it." I think of Buch letting boys go on a weekly basis; of Captain dating Buch and dating Armando.
Staring at the ceiling in the dark, same old feeling in your heart. `Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast.
We sit in the pool and stare at the sky while the song plays in the background. The stars, in reality billions of kilometers away, feel so close now, burning next to us, lighting our path. Yet, the silhouettes of mountains, hidden by darkness, a billion times nearer than the stars, feel so far away.
You see it when you fall asleep. Never to touch, never to keep. `Cause you loved her too much and dived too deep.
"Then, maybe, it means that sometimes, even though you love something, you have to let it go," you suggest, suddenly. "That, maybe, sometimes, the only way of truly loving something is by getting away from that something."
I don't know what to reply so I just stare at you. Is that what you felt? What happened between you and my mother? And what would happen after today? Will we just go back to our not-speaking terms?
You only need the light when it's burning low. Only miss the sun when it starts to snow.
Maybe I am not willing to make the same mistakes my mother and you made. Maybe I want something different. I've spent the entire night telling you about my story, both of us waiting for the moment in the tale when I fuck things up so bad that Armando breaks up with me at a forest, making a shitshow, leaving me for dead in a forest.
Only you've been high when you're feeling low. Only hate the road when you're missing home.
I've messed up before. Maybe I don't want to mess up again. So, naturally, I'm not going to wait to lose things to start appreciating them. I make up my mind.
It's a rash decision, but it's the only one I can think of. I swim towards the stairs. You look at me without saying a word. I hold on to the rail and take a few steps out of the water. I keep walking until I'm standing on the grass.
Only know you love her when you let her go.
Then, I look at you. Our eyes connect. I don't even look down at myself; I just move my hands and slowly start to take off my underwear until it falls to the floor. I step out of it. Free. And, like that, I'm completely naked before your eyes.
And you let her go.
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Feel free to look up what a catrín is because yeah, in November there is Dia de los Muertos, have you seen Coco? Here we had the return of Armando into the story. I'm here if you want to chat:
billy.alexander.wright@gmail.com
Oh, and don't forget to check my other stories:
* Us, For You
* Starboy
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